Reply to What does "single parent" mean?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]What I think some people here are missing is that it's a jerk move to compare your situation to someone else's and say you understand their struggles.  Period.  THAT's what's getting everyone so upset.

It's particularly a jerk move when the person with the objectively easier situation looks at the person with the objectively harder situation and says, "Yep, I'm there too.  I can relate."  BECAUSE YOU CAN'T.  And because what's the point in saying that?  The idea of "relating" is to connect and if the person you're trying to connect to is offended, you haven't really connected![/quote]

Exactly, in addition, people who say this generally do this when they've messed up.  So, you go to put your kids to bed without your DH, and it goes super badly, you end up with baby screaming for hours, and giving up and letting toddler fall asleep in front of the TV, and you think "Ooooh, now I can relate to Jane?"  Is that what you think of me?  That my kids lives are a mess, and full of screaming and TV, and my kids aren't ever getting their needs, like a steady bedtime met?

I've had parents come to me and say "Joe is out of town, and we're struggling to figure out how to do bedtime with just one parent, what works for you?"  That's fine, because it implies that you think I'm a decent parent, and that I must have a solution.

Now the reality is, that I might not have a solution for you.  Because part of why your kids are out of sorts is because their routine is messed up, and they miss Daddy, and those things aren't factors for me.  So, I'll say "I bet it's really hard for you when Joe is away, because the routine is off, and because the change in routine reminds them that Daddy's not there.  We have a pretty stable routine that works for us because it's me every night.  Our regular routine is . . . ."  [/quote]

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