Reply to DH decided at 5 to go to HH last minute

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[quote=Anonymous][quote] Anonymous wrote:
there's a middle ground. in my family it would be like this:

spouse A--hey, do you mind if I go to HH?

spouse B--sure, fine, should I wait for dinner for you?

Spouse a-yes, I'll be home by 7:30 or No, dont wait.

Spouse B--okay, text me before you leave

If, for some reason, 9 pm rolls around and spouse A hasn't come home? Spouse B--hey, are you okay? please let me know when you'l be home and take uber if you've been drinking.

Spouse b-sorry, leaving in 15 mins.

This isn't a good example of middle ground and in your example, you are more like OP than you think.

+ 1

A grown man must: 
Ask for agreement 
Establish a curfew 
Call / text when en route home

Just put the ankle bracelet on him and make everyone happy.[/quote]

I am the OP of the above example. For what its worth, I am the wife, and I am the one who goes to HH--DH works from home, or in another city. I find it interesting how you read into this situation.

First--"ask for agreement": I dont feel like asking my spouse if he minds if I make a last minute plan is anything but reasonable--we have 2 young kids, so me just making an announcement at the last moment that I'm not coming home seems rude. That being said, we give each other a lot of space, so my asking is generally a courtesy. As is his. But we check in because maybe I've forgotten that we were going to do X or he wanted to go over to a friend's to watch the game. So, yeah, I dont make unilateral decisions that require my husband to be the sole caregiver for the kids without checking in first.

Second: asking whether I will be home for dinner is not establishing a curfew. That would be "Please be home by X"  not "should I wait to have dinner with you?" He/I ask that because we actually enjoy a quiet late meal together sometimes--usually we eat as a family, but if one of us is out, often the other spouse will wait up.  Because its a nice itme to catch up.

Call/text en route home: we do this if one of us is later than expected and there's alcohol involved. If I said I was going to be home around 8 and its 9:30, my husband would be worried. The thoughtful thing to do is text.

But, at the end of the day, it does not matter what other people think of this. It works for us--it is not imposed solely by one of us, but the way that we have worked out this situation. Both of us have a lot of freedom--DH is gone one week out of three in the city we used to live in and thus sees friends and goes out all the time and obviously as he's on travel he does not need to check in with dinner, etc.   I go out every couple weeks with friends or coworkers, and he always encourages and is happy to accomodate. But I return that supportive attitude with clear communication, not unilateral actions.

ts going to be an early night or I actually *want* to have dinner with my spouse [/quote]

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