Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Because it leaves one parent to do bedtime duty. If they have small kids, that's a job that requires all hands on deck

One person can do it

Let's be real OP waited 4 hours to decide to eat. She's not cut out to handle bedtime on her own.

I wonder if this is the same poster who needed her husband to console her over a dress, and who wakes her husband up to entertain her when she can't sleep at night.

If it is I strongly suggest counseling the infantile behavior comes from someplace, and she needs help .

I happily entertain my wife when she can't sleep, poor man's sleeping pill

I don't see how "should I wait for you for dinner?' is setting a curfew. Maybe the reason there are so many shitty marriages on DCUM.is that no one communicates with each other.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:there's a middle ground. in my family it would be like this:

spouse A--hey, do you mind if I go to HH?

spouse B--sure, fine, should I wait for dinner for you?

Spouse a-yes, I'll be home by 7:30 or No, dont wait.

Spouse B--okay, text me before you leave

If, for some reason, 9 pm rolls around and spouse A hasn't come home? Spouse B--hey, are you okay? please let me know when you'l be home and take uber if you've been drinking.

Spouse b-sorry, leaving in 15 mins.

This isn't a good example of middle ground and in your example, you are more like OP than you think.

+ 1

A grown man must:
Ask for agreement
Establish a curfew
Call / text when en route home

Just put the ankle bracelet on him and make everyone happy.

Everyone in a relationship with another human being must do this. I would even do this if I was visiting a friend and decided to stay out late at HH one night.

A grown adult does not need a g--d--- curfew.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:there's a middle ground. in my family it would be like this:

spouse A--hey, do you mind if I go to HH?

spouse B--sure, fine, should I wait for dinner for you?

Spouse a-yes, I'll be home by 7:30 or No, dont wait.

Spouse B--okay, text me before you leave

If, for some reason, 9 pm rolls around and spouse A hasn't come home? Spouse B--hey, are you okay? please let me know when you'l be home and take uber if you've been drinking.

Spouse b-sorry, leaving in 15 mins.

This isn't a good example of middle ground and in your example, you are more like OP than you think.

+ 1

A grown man must:
Ask for agreement
Establish a curfew
Call / text when en route home

Just put the ankle bracelet on him and make everyone happy.

Everyone in a relationship with another human being must do this. I would even do this if I was visiting a friend and decided to stay out late at HH one night.

Anonymous wrote:
there's a middle ground. in my family it would be like this:

spouse A--hey, do you mind if I go to HH?

spouse B--sure, fine, should I wait for dinner for you?

Spouse a-yes, I'll be home by 7:30 or No, dont wait.

Spouse B--okay, text me before you leave

If, for some reason, 9 pm rolls around and spouse A hasn't come home? Spouse B--hey, are you okay? please let me know when you'l be home and take uber if you've been drinking.

Spouse b-sorry, leaving in 15 mins.


This isn't a good example of middle ground and in your example, you are more like OP than you think.


+ 1

A grown man must:
Ask for agreement
Establish a curfew
Call / text when en route home

Just put the ankle bracelet on him and make everyone happy.

I am the OP of the above example. For what its worth, I am the wife, and I am the one who goes to HH--DH works from home, or in another city. I find it interesting how you read into this situation.

First--"ask for agreement": I dont feel like asking my spouse if he minds if I make a last minute plan is anything but reasonable--we have 2 young kids, so me just making an announcement at the last moment that I'm not coming home seems rude. That being said, we give each other a lot of space, so my asking is generally a courtesy. As is his. But we check in because maybe I've forgotten that we were going to do X or he wanted to go over to a friend's to watch the game. So, yeah, I dont make unilateral decisions that require my husband to be the sole caregiver for the kids without checking in first.

Second: asking whether I will be home for dinner is not establishing a curfew. That would be "Please be home by X" not "should I wait to have dinner with you?" He/I ask that because we actually enjoy a quiet late meal together sometimes--usually we eat as a family, but if one of us is out, often the other spouse will wait up. Because its a nice itme to catch up.


Call/text en route home: we do this if one of us is later than expected and there's alcohol involved. If I said I was going to be home around 8 and its 9:30, my husband would be worried. The thoughtful thing to do is text.


But, at the end of the day, it does not matter what other people think of this. It works for us--it is not imposed solely by one of us, but the way that we have worked out this situation. Both of us have a lot of freedom--DH is gone one week out of three in the city we used to live in and thus sees friends and goes out all the time and obviously as he's on travel he does not need to check in with dinner, etc. I go out every couple weeks with friends or coworkers, and he always encourages and is happy to accomodate. But I return that supportive attitude with clear communication, not unilateral actions.


ts going to be an early night or I actually *want* to have dinner with my spouse

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a co worker who has a really nutty girlfriend who complained about the exact same thing you are right now--literally she was like "I GUESS I'LL JUST HAVE CEREAL" at 9PM (he told us all about the fight). We all think she's an insane, controlling psycho. Do you want to be that girl?

Both your coworker and his girlfriend lack boundaries.

What does it matter, I am sure that relationship isn't going anywhere. No one marries someone like OP if they knew they'd be batshit beforehand.

I am a wife with small kids and don't understand why some of you would make this a big deal. I'd frankly declare movie night for the kids and curl up with a book and a glass of wine. I far prefer that to going out after a long week but my DH is more social. He would have gone out last minute last night but decided he was tired. I don't care as long as he is responsible and not too hungover to participate in weekend family events. He doesn't need "permission", I am not his mother.

Wish I had married you! My W complained for years even if I was just working late at the office.

+ 1
Movie night, an e-book, and wine? Yes, please. Much better thank cooking a meal the kids will pick over and clean everything before plopping on the toilet stool for a break from the madness. I see no need for frustration around this. Pizza night, and the kids can FaceTime with their friends while I Pinterest organization, storage, and meal ideas.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a co worker who has a really nutty girlfriend who complained about the exact same thing you are right now--literally she was like "I GUESS I'LL JUST HAVE CEREAL" at 9PM (he told us all about the fight). We all think she's an insane, controlling psycho. Do you want to be that girl?

Both your coworker and his girlfriend lack boundaries.

What does it matter, I am sure that relationship isn't going anywhere. No one marries someone like OP if they knew they'd be batshit beforehand.

I am a wife with small kids and don't understand why some of you would make this a big deal. I'd frankly declare movie night for the kids and curl up with a book and a glass of wine. I far prefer that to going out after a long week but my DH is more social. He would have gone out last minute last night but decided he was tired. I don't care as long as he is responsible and not too hungover to participate in weekend family events. He doesn't need "permission", I am not his mother.

Wish I had married you! My W complained for years even if I was just working late at the office.

Well, at least she likes you, there is that.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand why you are waiting.

for dinner. I guess I'll go ahead and make it.

Wow....just wow. Next time instead of waiting for 4 hours use your words.

Just not here, unless you are a masochist.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He texts me at 5:30 saying he was going out with his coworkers "for a little bit."

It is now 9 and I am still waiting. I am annoyed to be kept waiting.

well happy hours are 5-7pm max so he should have mentioned later it got upgraded to dinner or a game, etc.
I assume you don't have kids, then planning is a must or someone gets dumped on last minute.

Happy hour last as long as you are away from the wacko at home.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a co worker who has a really nutty girlfriend who complained about the exact same thing you are right now--literally she was like "I GUESS I'LL JUST HAVE CEREAL" at 9PM (he told us all about the fight). We all think she's an insane, controlling psycho. Do you want to be that girl?

Both your coworker and his girlfriend lack boundaries.

What does it matter, I am sure that relationship isn't going anywhere. No one marries someone like OP if they knew they'd be batshit beforehand.

I am a wife with small kids and don't understand why some of you would make this a big deal. I'd frankly declare movie night for the kids and curl up with a book and a glass of wine. I far prefer that to going out after a long week but my DH is more social. He would have gone out last minute last night but decided he was tired. I don't care as long as he is responsible and not too hungover to participate in weekend family events. He doesn't need "permission", I am not his mother.

Wish I had married you! My W complained for years even if I was just working late at the office.

Anonymous wrote:

Because it leaves one parent to do bedtime duty. If they have small kids, that's a job that requires all hands on deck

One person can do it

Let's be real OP waited 4 hours to decide to eat. She's not cut out to handle bedtime on her own.

I wonder if this is the same poster who needed her husband to console her over a dress, and who wakes her husband up to entertain her when she can't sleep at night.

If it is I strongly suggest counseling the infantile behavior comes from someplace, and she needs help .

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Because it leaves one parent to do bedtime duty. If they have small kids, that's a job that requires all hands on deck

One person can do it

Single and military parents do it all the time.

And parents of multiples do it all the time. For us, when the kids were infants, we slept in shifts so that we could each get a realistic amount of sleep. We both had some travel that the family did not go on when the kids were toddlers and preschoolers. Agreed that it is much easier with two parents, but after a few months, both parents should be able to take care of the kids without the other.

Parent of multiples here and while yes, I can take care of my children on my own, it's a lot easier with another pair of hands. So while my spouse and I don't mind if the other goes to an occasional happy hour, we don't usually spring that on one another at the last minute, and we do try to trade off getting nights out.

Pre-kids, though, a last-minute happy hour was fine.

OP made no mention of this being a habit . She also hasn't mentioned children.