Reply to D14 Deleting My FB Posts

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[quote=Anonymous]OP, I'm hearing that you have a lot of anger over behavior your DD exhibited during your divorce.  Blaming your DD, who was stuck in the middle of a nasty divorce and impossible situation, for behavior that it seems like your ex manipulated her into, is not fair to your kid.  You have no idea the kind of poison she was being told about what would happen to her if she didn't bring her mom material to use in the divorce.  She was probably scared that she would lose her relationship with her mother is she didn't comply with her (ridiculous) demands.  You need to separate out your feelings about that behavior from your feelings about your DD.

The Facebook issue needs to be separate from the divorce stuff.  Did you explicitly ask your DD if you could post the picture and get an affirmative reply? It may also be that she was fine with it until your ex saw it and made your DD feel guilty about it.  Could you sit down and have a calm honest conversation with you DD and say "I'm sorry I posted that photo to FB when you did it want me to.  I thought because I said xyz and you said abc you were okay with it, did I misinterpret the situation?  Is it ever ok for me to post a photo of you/us, and should we come up with a system for you to 'vet' those pictures?".  Listen more than you talk and hear what your kid has to say without judging or bringing up past issues.

I think it's important to respect her wishes re: posting online about her. It's different than bragging IRL to a friend, or showing them a picture on your phone or that you have framed at your desk---it exists forever now, despite your FB privacy settings.  Allowing kids to set boundaries about how their image is used is part of teaching them bodily autonomy.  We tell kids from an early age that they are in charge of their body and no one has the right to touch them w/o permission etc but than act like it's ridiculous when kids internalize that and ask to have control over the images of theirselves.[/quote]

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