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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I am not naïve enough to believe that the kids are being rehomed because the kid is 'defective'. I believe that in many cases the 'adoptive parents' are defective.

But on this adoption forum that seems to be a topic nobody wants to ever address.

Adoption agency is supposed to find parents for children, not trade children to anyone who meets the requirements and is willing to throw money in their direction[/quote]

Defective is really not a good word to describe the situation.  IMO and experience, there are a number of factors at play.  Prospective adoptive parents are not well educated.  PAPs are well educated but believe that the really bad things can't or won't happen to them.  PAPs believe that even if the really bad things happen, they will be able to handle it.  Really bad things do happen - attachment problems, RAD, FASD, severe behavior problems, drug use and prostitution, etc.  APs find that they can't handle the really difficult problems.  There is not enough support for APs when the really bad things happen.  Adequate services don't exist.  No one really knows what to do in many situations, not even the professionals.

I know my experience is anecdotal, but being involved in a community of people who adopted from Eastern European countries, I have seen families deal with a lot of very difficult problems.  In every situation, the APs have worked very hard to find solutions to the difficult situations (and when I use the term difficult, I mean situations that most people can't even comprehend) that people find themselves in.  None of these families went into adoption believing they were getting the perfect kid or believing that they would not be capable of handling the situation.  The amount of time and money they spend trying to find solutions is astounding and the lack of available resources is heartbreaking.  In so many situations (probably most), these professionals that people are talking about turning to for solutions and help have no idea what to do.

Re-homing is a last resort.  It is an option, but I know very few people who have turned to it.  Even then, it was after exhausting every other option and all of their savings - no, insurance and the government don't help.  These are not medical problems, they are behavioral.  And traditional therapy and medication doesn't help.  So, insurance isn't covering the cost.  Families are torn apart, threatened, seriously physically injured, etc.  The child themselves may be a risk to themselves and others.

When you read the profiles of the kids on the re-homing page, I'm sure you noticed that some say things like child should not have pets, child should not have younger siblings, child should not be placed with a single woman but a single man would be fine, child should be an only child, etc.  There is a reason that these parameters are set and it likely has nothing to do with preferring a male parent, being afraid of dogs or typical sibling rivalry.

Adoption is not an easy process.  When I went through it, not only did I have to have a home study annually and be followed for three years for post placement visits, but I also had to have 28 hours of education for one of my adoptions and 40 for another.  My adoptions cost more than the down payment on my house (total, not each one) because you get days notice of travel and are paying top dollar for your airfare and accommodations, plus eating out for weeks at a time in a foreign country.  People who are willing to commit to this process aren't taking the decision to relinquish their child lightly.

And, last thing.  Just because you put your child up for placement does not mean you are able to relinquish the financial responsibilities.  Until parental rights are terminated, the AP remains responsible for the cost of the child's care unless someone else steps in to pay.

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What a nightmare story. Definitely sounds like the agency just wanted to find children for parents, not find the right parents for the child
Can you be more specific, are these Romanian orphanage kids from Caucescu era. How did the agency prepare the families for life post adoption? Was it just how to get the paperwork done?
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