Reply to what's the easiest way to adopt a healthy older child?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]HOLY FUCK.  There's a girl there being rehomed who has been with her current family for a decade.

WHAT IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE??!!!
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I can't believe this is legal.[/quote]

How is it better to leave her in a home with people who are almost certainly not treating her well?

These are tragic situations, but what is your actual happy ending solution?[/quote]

Provide post adoption counseling and support, especially for those with international, older child and foster care adoptions for several years after the adoption and continue till 18 if a family needs it.  These families would not give away their biological children so there is no excuse to give the ones who they adopted.  Many have a rescue complex and do it for religious or other needs and those kids cannot live up to their unrealistic expectations.  Many of the kids don't get counseling which is vital to older kids.[/quote]

What is your real life solution for families in this situation right now?[/quote]

Real life is get the kids and families counseling.  Get the kids evaluated for mental health, medical and academic issues.  Get a behaverialist in to work with parents and kids.  Get the kids Iep and services at school and private after school.   [b]Many of these parents are unwilling to do those things that the rest of us do to make our kids successful.  Parents need to learn to parent these kids.  They need to stick it out till 18. If it is bad, you get them to a residential treatment center or group care.[/b]  [/quote]

No good comes from forcing a family to keep a child they realize they are not equipped to care for.  I can't believe you think these children will grow up to be successful adults if their original adoptive family keeps them. Forcing it and providing services (which really don't exist as you seem to believe) is not going to make the child feel loved or any less rejected.

I for one have always believed that one of the best things that ever happened to my child was being re-homed with me. But make no mistake, as motivated as I was, making it work was one of the most difficult things I ever did. [/quote]

OK, but who is going to make them do all this? Or pay for it? You seem to be suggesting that somehow we change the parents or what?

Not to mention, how can you believe residential care would be better than another family? Now you really are being absurd.[/quote]

Parents and health insurance pays for it, just like you would do for a biological child.  How is it any different?  Yes, residential care would be far better than another family.  The other family may not be equip and the child still has the same behaviors and issues, which will go most likely untreated at the next family.  You get the child the help they need so they can be a part of the family.   We have a SN child, whom we adopted.  We were told healthy newborn.  Crap happens.  We've spent a small fortune on our child and I wouldn't think twice if i had to do it all over again.  Adoption or not, that is my child, whom I'm devoted to.  I have given up my career so I can take her to her therapies and appointments.  My husband changed his career so he'd make more money to make up for mine and pay for it all.  There wasn't even a question of what or if we'd do it.  We did what was best for our child.  You don't give up and walk away regardless of birth or adoption.  You figure out how best to help your child and get the help.  We've traveled to specialists across the country to make sure we are doing it right.  You shouldn't have to make someone do it.  They should do it as parents as its in their child's best interests.  If their parenting isn't working, as a parent, you regroup and say, how can I do better for my child.  You never ever give them away.  That is why these kids have attachments and behavioral issues.  Those parents should never have been allowed to adopt.[/quote]

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