Reply to DH and I constantly fighting over child care

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Reply to "DH and I constantly fighting over child care - how do you do it?"

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[quote=Anonymous]I agree with the immediate pp.  Who are all these people who say they get no breaks and no free time?  Especially when you have just one kid.

I strongly disagree that having a child means me-time and us-time disappear.  Of course, they can't come at the expense of caring for/playing with/spending quality time with your child, and of course there's a lot less of them than they're used to be, but they're critical to your well-being as an individual and a couple.  Our son, 13 months, goes to bed by 7, and we have plenty of time in the evenings to chill.  I take yoga classes twice a week (one of those after he's in bed, the other on the weekend).  My DH plays a couple sports regularly.  We recently started going on dates together about every other week (again, after our son is in bed).  We're also honest with each other about when we need a break.  On the weekends one of us might take the little guy on an outing or for a walk, so the other can have an hour to lie on the couch and read the paper.  We have plenty of family time too--there is time in the week, the month, for all of this.

I have a close friend with twins who recently ran a marathon, and another friend with a toddler training for a triathlon.

OP, it sounds from your posts like the problem is that your husband is not respecting your (reasonable) views on how much time he needs to spend with your child.  It sounds like he has not made the adjustment all of us go through after having a kid, of recognizing that life is not the same anymore.  He can still have his hobbies and his passions, but he needs to adjust and recognize he just can't give as much as he used to.  I also think you need to be less rigid about scheduling, though I can understand from your descriptions of him why you're doing this.  It's hard to say what solution you need here because none of us know you and your husband and what will work best for you both.  I agree that couples counseling sounds like a really good option here--you two need to sit down and hash out a balance you're both comfortable with.  I also agree with the pp who recommended going out together.  Find a time to reconnect with each other and spend a little time relaxing together if you can, even just watching a movie at home.

Good luck.  It's a huge adjustment having a child and really rocks many marriages, I think.  Even if people are criticizing the details of your situation, I think what you're going through is not unusual, at all.

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