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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Op - only pay attention to what you hear from the children themselves, not the parents[/quote]

This is an interesting attitude to me, as the divorced (and remarried) mother of two teens. I've assumed for years that they are basically ok post-divorce, in large part due to their father and I doing everything we can to be a united and positive co-parenting team. But recently I sat my kids down and flat out asked them. They both agreed that they don't feel too negatively affected by the divorce or the remarriages of their parents. They did point to some things that never occurred to me--for example, apparently they used to hate when we would use a playdate or other social/school event as a hand-over site, because they thought it was awkward that one of us would drop them off and the other one would pick up (I refrained from pointing out that married parents do that too). But overall they feel like things are fine as they are and as they have been. Now that they are older and able to coordinate more and more of their lives on their own, their father and I talk less, which I enjoy, but they know we are still on the same page on all the important stuff and they appreciate that.[/quote]

Sounds like they told you what you wanted to hear.  If my mom asked I would do the same -- pick a few minor things from the past and reassure her that I am fine.  Because that's easier for me.  The truth is, while I am not traumatized or damaged in any severe way, it really us a burden on me as an adult, and getting worse as they age, and my mom's boyfriend is a loser.  But she would get upset if I told her what I really think, and tell me I need therapy or that I should be more "resilient"-- ugh.  What she really wants is validation.

Also, teenagers have no clue what it means to  be an adult child of divorce.  It was only when I met my in-laws that I fully understood the benefits of an intact family.  And I had no clue about elder care.  So you might want to ask your kids again later.
[/quote]

You post all the time.

When people are considering whether to divorce, they make the best decision they can with the information in front of them. It is absolutely ridiculous to suggest (as you have done before) that people shouldn't divorce when their kids are young because it'll be a burden later when their kids are adults. For starters, people grow and change and become satisfied and dissatisfied with various things about their lives and families throughout their life. I am also an adult child of divorce, and it's not a burden as my parents age (dad is retired, mom isn't but is chronically ill, they live in different parts of the country). We manage to see them regularly, including for holidays, and the elder care issues are not any more burdensome than they were when my grandparents (married 50 years) needed the same care.

Please stop making every.single.post about how children handle divorce about your experience as though no one else's experience could possibly be valid.[/quote]

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