Reply to Without being told, how did you know about an affair?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]No, I was brutal, but you're one.  Good god.  You are steeped in the victim crap, and it's surreal to say your stbx if that's you would testify to your perfection and you are so effing comfortable attacking people who may have had different (less perfect wives? no doubt.) marriages.  But I'm sure the stbx will pine for you until he dies, miserable and alone.  [/quote]

Dude. Did you even read her post? She never said she was perfect. She said that her ex admitted that she didn't do anything wrong, and that he cheated anyway.

Which is actually textbook. [b]Most people fall into affairs [/b]- they don't go looking for them. It's a crime of opportunity.[/quote]

Yeah right, they accidentally slip in the corridor and fall on someone and what do you know his peepee is in her hooha.

[b]An affair requires many deliberate decisions, and if it's more than a one-night stand, requires a long-term, planned campaign of deception. Don't give me that "just fell into it" bullshit.[/b][/quote]

+100000000[/quote]

It is both. You fall into it because you aren't looking for it. But then once it is in front of you, the possibility of this affair, yes, you make a million different deliberate decisions to facilitate the affair. No, his dick didn't just fall into her vagina, that is just stupid. They make a decision to make that happen. But they fell into it because they weren't expecting to be in that needy place that allows for an affair.
[/quote]

So, if I am confronted with a sudden unexpected opportunity to do something immoral - shoplift, embezzle, drive off with a car that the owner left running with the keys in it - then I am excused because I just fell into it even though I knew it was wrong and I had to make a positive decision to do it anyway.[/quote]

Nice straw man there. Do you really think that stealing is analogous? Are you breaking a vow you personally made? Stealing anything is not an intimate betrayal, which makes it unlike an affair.

Of course we are all still responsible for our actions. But many affairs - especially ones that have any kind of emotional component - start as developing a friendship with someone of the opposite sex. This is how affairs with coworkers start: a little conversation, some minor flirting, a small complaint about the spouse, then coffee and lunch dates, and it escalates from there. The person "falling" into an affair justifies the small, non-damaging actions as they go. "It's just coffee. We are just friends. She just gets me." The sex is the culmination of that most of the time - not the beginning. Now, do you think the decision to strike up a conversation with an attractive person is an affair? Is that part of a "planned, long-term campaign of deception"? For most people, the answer is no. They see no harm, because at first there is no harm. Most affairs start innocuously enough. Do long-term affairs require sustained deception, and a conscious decision to lie over and over again? Definitely. But still, the vast majority of people who fall in love with someone outside of their marriage don't set out to do so. That doesn't mean that they are not responsible for their actions. They are still terribly flawed individuals who have done a terrible, damaging thing.[/quote]

Yes, stealing is analogous. It is a deliberate act of moral wrong, just like an affair.

The perpetrator knows very well that each one of those "small, non-damaging actions" is WRONG and that they are moving in the direction of a larger wrong. It does not matter at all that people "salami slice" their way into an affair. They know what they're doing, they know it's wrong, and "I just fell into it" is a bunch of lame, self-excusing, rationalizing bullshit.[/quote]

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