Reply to Is it selfish to tell dw about an affair?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]You know your wife- if she the type who would rather know everything even if it hurts? Or would she rather you keep it to yourself? If she'd rather know and you choose not to tell her, then you are being selfish and betraying her further. If you know she would rather not hear about some one time indiscretion, then respect that and don't tell her.[/quote]

Agree with this.  Before we got married, DH and I talked about whether we would want to know if the other cheated.  I know that he would want to know so were I ever to cheat, I would tell him, regardless of whether it was a one time f*ck up or a long term thing.  He knows that I don't want to know if it was a one time f*ck up, that the guilt is his to deal with and to leave me out of it.  I only want to know if it's a long term thing, at which point our marriage would be over.

It really depends on your wife, OP.  As you can see, there are cheated on partners on both sides of this, some want to know, some don't.  [/quote]

[b]That is a weird premarriage conversation[/b][/quote]

Really?  Don't most couples talk about this "what if" at some point?  Cheating is more likely to happen than not, at some point, statistically.  My spouse and I had the conversations, we both said we prefer not to know.  Actually, my words to my spouse were clear that if they cheat, they better be smart enough not to get caught and don't embarrass me.  The thought of my spouse having sex with someone isn't paralyzing so much as dealing with the gossipers, and of course the potential of screwing up children in a divorce.[/quote]

I think it's safe to say that MOST couples do not discuss and make plans around what they will do if and when their partner cheats.[/quote]

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