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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]That house would be about $6 million. There is no way the difference in salary between SF and LA would make up for that. I work in tech so it kills me to see how they position his “difficulty” finding work and how SF is the only place he can work. SF pays more because it’s freaking expensive to live there.

I hated how Toby handled things but agree Kate isn’t any better. [/quote]

Like another PP, I'm surprised at how many people are siding with Toby. One other factor in the fight about the LA job and differences in salaries - Toby wouldn't have to pay to fly back every weekend, nor the cost of the apartment (maybe that is comped?). There are lots of expenses to living in two cities. What I really disliked about Toby this episode is not telling her about the other offer, and also getting pre-approval for the mortgage. The pre-approval application with her credit too is way out of line without her knowledge. And his ultimatum that the only way their family will work is for them to be in SF. That's the marriage-ender right there.[/quote]

DP on Team Toby here.  I completely agree that he should've disclosed the job offer and consulted with Kate before getting pre-approval for a mortgage - especially when Kate is so risk-adverse and content to stay in her own cocoon. He should know that about her by now and that springing big changes on her isn't going to go well.

That said, Toby seems like the only one who has sacrificed for their family.  He was a SAHD after losing his job.  He didn't like being a SAHD but Kate wanted to remain working at her low-paying TA job, so he was the one who had to go out and find a well-paying job. He found one in SF and he's been the one flying back and forth to see his family while holding down a demanding job.  Kate seems to completely disregard all of his efforts and blames him for what's happening without realizing that she's not bringing much to the table financially.  Does she expect her movie star brother to foot the bill for her family forever?  Toby's point about how expensive it is to raise a special needs child is completely valid.  Has Kate ever considered that?

Both of them could stand to be more understanding of the other and more flexible about how to make things work going forward, but while Toby seems to be working to make his family's life better, Kate seems content to live in LaLa Land and have others support her.  [/quote]

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