Reply to Does anyone have any experience in naming the other woman in the divorce proceedings?

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Reply to "Does anyone have any experience in naming the other woman in the divorce proceedings?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Lawyer here if that matters.  I don't see why he'd agree to what is, essentially, an NDA without an enforcement remedy.  Let's say he agrees to this and you get full custody.  There's no enforcement remedy in the event that you spill the beans because that alone won't be grounds to modify the custody arrangement.  You could, perhaps, sign a separate NDA with a substantial financial penalty in the event that you spill the beans but even that is questionable because he would have to prove that you're the one that told rather than, say, the OW or people finding out independently.

There's very little upside to him for agreeing to your proposal and I don't think a decent lawyer would advise him to agree to it.[/quote]

Dear Lawyer -- This is why although I went to law school, I decided not to practice.  Lawyers think so narrowly.

You are right that it is unlikely that one can reduce this kind of agreement to enforceable legal documents.  But, there are many ways to accomplish what both parties want without a contract.  If STBXDH wants any kind of privacy, his only shot is an agreement that favors wife's wishes.  If he doesn't agree, he has no hope of maintaining privacy about the details of the break up.  If he doesn't agree, then she will tell all the details about the break up.  She can do that without telling the children and he will have no recourse to get her to shut up about it.  Eventually the children will find out about it anyway since they will some day become old enough to do the math and to understand their memories of playing with their sibling while their mom and dad were still married.  DH may care or may not.  People may say that it won't affect or hurt him, in which case, his analysis will be not to compromise with her in the hopes that she will maintain silence.  If that is the analysis than he would have no interest in an agreement, whether or not there is a contract.  If that is his analysis, then she will be no worse off for having tried.

I cut this very deal, without legal contract, many years ago.  I have maintained it because I knew that my DH could go back to court and argue for more custody at any time, which would cost me a LOT of money to defend even though I would be likely to win.  DH doesn't want to go back to court, because then my silence ends.

We have mutually beneficial interests, and, frankly, the arrangement is in the kids' benefit as well.  They have grown up in a stable home with someone who can be emotionally connected to them and doesn't lie or put their sexual interests above the child's interests.  Both my kids have expressed that they are grateful that they don't have to live in a split home but still get to see their dad a lot and have a good relationship with them.

Just because it can't be expressed in an ironclad enforceable contract doesn't mean it is a bad idea. [/quote]

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