Reply to Does anyone have any experience in naming the other woman in the divorce proceedings?

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Reply to "Does anyone have any experience in naming the other woman in the divorce proceedings?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Yes OP.  Just the threat of naming her was enough to get my ex to sign the papers I presented him with.  Now, they were very fair papers.  50/50 on everything except, I wanted more control of custody and visitation.  I got it.  [/quote]

That's the sort of effect I'm looking for.  I want sole custody, transferring the house to my name only, child support and full waiver of his claims to any of my assets. I'm the breadwinner.   In exchange for this, I could offer liberal visitation and preserving his good name, which is important to him. [/quote]

OP, from a legal perspective, I join the others with the view that your expectations are likely to be unrealistic.  It's tough to say without more facts, but I doubt it.

From a relationship perspective, if you were my spouse and tried to do to me what you want to do to your husband, I'd do my very best to destroy you, even if I had to live in a box on a steam grate to do so.  Be prepared for an equal and opposite reaction to whatever you choose to do.[/quote]

The relationship perspective is irrelevant here.  It was destroyed four years ago when he decided to have a child outside of marriage, and maintain the relationship with its mother to this day.  Had I known this at the time, I wouldn't have had another child with him (born after the lovechild), nor would I have sunk hundreds of thousands of dollars into building a house with him.

He can't destroy me because I'm an innocent party, and because my reputation cannot be ruined by this revelation to the extent his can. Remember, I've done nothing wrong.  He is the one who went and got himself a sideshow.  Plus, he makes little money and can't afford good representation. If he wants to avoid public disgrace, he can do so by separating on my terms. [/quote]

You are familiar with the concept of "condoning", right?

So say I cheat on my wife and snort cocaine off the hooker's body through a 500-Euro bill (only the best for me, ya know.)

She finds out. She gets the pictures of us, she gets the video, and three people who'll swear they heard us.

She's mad, but I convince her that it was a one-time thing, that we'll be better and that next time she can join in.

She forgives me and we have hot makeup sex.

Whoops, she just condoned my behavior. She can't file for divorce six months later on grounds of adultery. All I'd have to do is point out, "hey we were bumping uglies four months after the discovery of adultery!"

Now I might be oversimplifying here but a law-talking type could give you the exact details. I think I've given you the skeleton of the details, though.

On the other hand, the threat of blackmail is eternal. He may be willing to sign off on a lop-sided custody agreement just to get you to stay quiet. (On the other hand, what penalties are there for you if you don't stay quiet or if it comes out through other means?) [/quote]

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