Reply to Intimacy vs sex-- which is more important?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]This is exactly what I am saying.... men expect what they ask for.[/quote]yes, don't we all?

[quote=Anonymous]Their drive does not correlate to what they ask for[/quote]Really?

[quote=Anonymous]10 men with the same sex drive want different things... frequency.[/quote]not sure your point, of course there is some variation within any group

[quote=Anonymous]If they get what they ask for... 1x a week/1x a day/1x a month... they are happy.[/quote]yes. Now let's assume that what he is asking for remains pretty consistent over time.

[quote=Anonymous]If they don't get what they ask for they are unhappy.[/quote]yes. And if that were the case before marriage, the couple splits up long before any wedding

[quote=Anonymous]But, if they change their expectation, like most evolved humans, they can adapt and change their expectation... their expectation is not 
biological and not linked to drive. So when the baby comes, if they still expect sex 3 times a week and get it once a week, they are unhappy.[/quote]I don't see too many DHs complaining that, with an infant in the house, they are down from 3X to 1X per week. So that is a strawman argument. Look beyond that 12 month blip and then look at who's expectations are reasonable.

[quote=Anonymous]If they expect it once a week and get it they are happy. [/quote]yes

[quote=Anonymous]It has nothing to do with drive, it has to do with expectation. [/quote]Take the following prototypical scenario:
- man's drive remains constant (ie, not a spike upward in drive)
- couple has a satisfying sexlife before marriage (otherwise, they would never marry)
- years into the marriage, frequency decreases, he is not satisfied
So the drive isn't changed, but the frequency has. You propose he adjust his expectations downward. Why is that? The couple has a successful history of satisfying sex, the more obvious solution seems to return to the frequency that was more satisfying.

[quote=Anonymous]Successful marriages are adaptable, unsuccessful marriages try to swim upstream and wonder why the stream won't change directions[/quote]
Agree 100%. But you insist that HE adapt. And why is THAT the answer? I can think of many ways SHE could adapt, or the marriage itself could adapt, that would be more satisfying to his unchanged sex drive.[/quote]

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