Reply to Intimacy vs sex-- which is more important?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I feel no connection without sex.  If I'm not getting regular sex or my wife goes long bouts of not wanting sex I withdraw emotionally.  Kind of counter-productive but I can't help the way I feel.

38 year old male [/quote]

Yup. [b]For men, intimacy results from sex (doesn't have to result, but won't result without it). Take away the sex, the intimacy evaporates.

For women, sex results from intimacy. Take away the intimacy, the sex evaporates[/b].[/quote]

This, x1000. The core difference between men and women in terms of sex. But once the sex evaporates, it is likely to materialize elsewhere for one, the other, or both. [/quote]
Take away sex and intimacy dies. [/quote]

What if you can't have sex for health reasons, but you can do other things. Both of you still want to have sex with each other and it's apparent. Is intimacy still possible?[/quote]

I think it is. For me, a big part of the link between sex and intimacy is that my wife's desire to have sex with me signals her love for me in a way that convinces me of that love on an emotional level. I can know intellectually that if she cooks me a nice meal, it's a sign of her love; but it's not nearly as visceral as what happens when we have sex together. If she turns down sex because she can't be bothered, that's a very negative signal. That negativity isn't really present when her reasons for not wanting to have sex with me are clearly not a choice. If she showed me her desire even if sex wasn't possible, that would be emotionally convincing to me that she still loved me. [/quote]

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