Reply to DH and Stepdaughter conflict I think he handled it wrong.

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[quote=Anonymous]I just want to weigh in to say.... I feel you, OP. Step-parenting is hard. So, so, so hard. I happen to agree that in this situation, you all should not have prevented her from enjoying her friends and the activities she wanted to do. This is a problem that's just going to increase over the next 7 years and all of her parents need to get on the same page about figuring it all out. Use this as a learning experience and try to figure out how next time you can still have it be "your night" with her, but that she is allowed a normal life (i.e. the suggestions of you having her friends all meet at your house and use it as a "homebase" for TOT, for example). If you're creative, you can find ways to make it work. I have a 50/50 agreement with my step-daughter and we really do everything we can to avoid causing conflicts with any of her activities. She does sleepovers, activities, etc. all on "our" nights just as much as the nights she has with mom. And yes, it sucks to lose that time with them. To see the little slice of them you get divided into an even smaller chunk once they decided to have friends and sports and all sorts of other things. But that's something that ALL parents have to face. They grow up. They spread their wings. Parents become less primary. But the way you stay relevant is not to force them to spend time with you. That just builds resentment.

I also wanted to say....I think you are right to have a concern about the whole "I will just go live with my mom" threat and where that might lead. Like I said...in this instance, I'm glad you all backed off, but just in general, it's a bad precedent so don't be deterred in that thinking. Tweens and teens challenge authority. It's appropriate development for them. But you and her father do get to make all sorts of decisions for your family and you can't be held hostage by this. [/quote]

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