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[quote=Anonymous]OP, sorry your husband acts like a big, sulky baby in bed. There's not a lot of hope for a man like that.

You're right, it's good policy to have the understanding that you get started first, because you can always have more during whatever else goes on. Men often lose motivation after they're done, and can't usually keep going, either. He needs to understand you're not just a masturbatory tool for him, but that you expect and deserve to enjoy it, too.

I had to reprogram a noob who thought porn was really how women work. It took a lot of frank communication from me, and openness on his part, to make things better. Any time he really paid attention to my responses to whatever he did, he could be very good. But when he would zone out and think about porn, or think about his "performance," he was boring, annoying, and made me feel like I might as well not be there.

More than anything, what makes a man a good lover is total focus and paying attention your every subtle response to what he's doing.

I had another ex who was a different case. It was like he forgot where everything was located between sessions. He was enthusiastic, but never focused on my responses.

I've also slept with men who did everything in weird, exact sequences, with no variations, as if they believed all women are the same, all the time, and they got it right with a woman once, years ago, so they're not going to change it, and too bad for you. 
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