Reply to Men: What was your reaction when your wife said she wanted to SAHM?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Not happy. I didn't think being home full time was really the issue.  We both had good paying jobs with predictable hours. (8-4). The kids went to full time Montessori school and were thriving. We had a weekly cleaner and honestly in terms of the day to day details, I actually did more managing of our lives because my job was more flexible and easy than hers. I did all of the sick days, doctor visits, planning, etc. Yes, we were busy, but I felt very content.

I actually gave in and agreed that she should try to take some time off and it didn't help. But my wife didn't want to pull the kids out of full-time Montessori school, wanted to keep the same lifestyle in terms of expenses and refused to down size, etc. It was magical thinking because she hated her job and wanted a graceful out. She also admitted she felt trapped by the demands on her time, attention, lost in terms of what she wanted for her life etc.  She was STILL depressed and now felt useless. I encouraged therapy and even offered to go with her. She refused.

Finally, she just left. I walked in the door with the kids and there was a note that said she regretted every having children and being married and being tied down and that was it. From what I can gather from my former in-laws, she lives in Asia and basically started over. Our kids were 2, 4, 6. That was 12 years ago. My oldest left for college last month. She missed everything.

Anyway, didn't want to go dark, but I think being home can be a great thing. I would approach it in a more healthy way and really think about the role in terms of the family and in terms of yourself. I would make a financial plan and would think through issues like insurance, etc. If it makes sense, then go for it.[/quote]

This is such a sad story for your kids (I cannot wish you to have stayed with such a selfish person, hope you found someone else during those 12 years). How did your kids cope? Have they seen her during those years??[/quote]

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