Reply to Men: What was your reaction when your wife said she wanted to SAHM?

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Reply to "Men: What was your reaction when your wife said she wanted to SAHM?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Wife not husband, but my husband had very mixed feelings when I raised the idea shortly after going back to work after our first was born, even though we'd talked about it as a possibility before getting married. His concern pretty much boiled down to not wanting to take a big lifestyle hit for it, which I suspect (but never voiced to him because it would have been needlessly antagonistic in the context of our discussions) was [b]because he didn't really see there being much upside for him in that arrangement.[/b] I raised the idea as something I was considering and explained why I thought it would be a good idea, both my own emotional difficulty being away from our child and the difficulties I was having doing my job well and doing my share of the childcare (which I ended up doing more of due to things like nursing/pumping). When he resisted the idea, I said I wasn't going to pressure him on it, but asked that he just think about it before making up his mind. In the meantime, I made sure not to take on an unfair share of childcare/housework, I was very direct in asking him to take on his half of everything. It didn't take very long for him to realize how much work it was to juggle both his job and 50% of the homefront and decide he'd be happier overall with less income but more free time for everyone.[/quote]

There's this.  My husband did not want me to stay home, in part because he did not want the pressure of being to sole breadwinner (neither of us made anything close to $500K, so it's not like we had some giant cushion in case he lost his job or was disabled).  But also because we would take a big lifestyle hit, including moving farther out to be able to afford housing, and making his commute at least six times longer.  In return, he would be home much later every night and spend less time with our kids.  We neded up deciding that I should keep working.  Yes, there are times when it would be nice to have someone staying home and handling that side of things, but we're managing, and we're both able to get home at a decent hour and spend time as a family.  So, it really depends on each person's income and what effect losing one income would have, whether both partners are willing to make the reductions in spending necessary, etc.  And that's something that only OP and her husband can know.  [/quote]

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