Reply to No Good Deed Goes Unpunished - surprise party edition

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I hope OP comes back to give us an update.[/quote]

Yes, OP, please update us.  I hope you went ahead and had the party (because to cancel at this point, especially with travel plans involved for many guests, would be beyond crass). I hope you told your mom, who is so deeply invested in appearances, that it would have a truly horrid appearance and reflect very negatively on her if you have to contact all her old friends and say, "Sorry, mom doesn't like the venue/menu/details, so it's all off. Questions? Please contact mom directly."

OP, on the day of the party itself, to spare yourself, I'd try to have another person designated as mom's "keeper" for the event -- the person who is around her the most, who greets guests and guides the over to mom to say hello, etc. If you have a cool and calm relative who would be good at that, and you can enlist that kind of help, do so. Say that you need to be off to the side doing whatever -- collecting the gifts (if any come) or checking in with the restaurant manager, whatever tasks you can assign to yourself so you are busy but not directly next to mom the whole time. Get yourself out of her line of fire as much as possible on the day. Just try to enjoy visiting with the guests for your own sake if you can. Sorry this has been such a nightmare for you. It's sad to see posts here trying to throw blame on you as if you are the problem. You aren't.
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