Reply to Wife's birthday coming up -- if her ex-affair partner contacts her I am going to lose it

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Reply to "Wife's birthday coming up -- if her ex-affair partner contacts her I am going to lose it"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Your constant use of the word "whore" is really off putting. I hope you don't use it around your children.[/quote]

The true definition of a whore is somebody who uses sex to get something, or uses immoral ways to get something. So it is a good vocabulary word.

[/quote]

I bet when you were married you used sex to get something from your then-husband. And dangling your children as bribes for good behavior is pretty immoral.

Maybe your estranged husband does have a thing for whores after all...[/quote]

We had sex 3 times a week minimum. I love sex. We went on weekly date night and once a month we spend a whole day together biking/hiking/kayaking. We met for lunch every Wednesday.

What would I need from him? We had everything I make more money.

Sorry, it's the insecure women that need to use sex to get something.

[/quote]

Well, you apparently need to:

- control who he socializes with, despite not being married to him anymore
- use extra time with his children as a condition of his ruling following
- require him to go to therapy 2x a week on his own for 5+ years
- require him to participate in family therapy (does that include the kids? how long have you been going? how often?)

IF you actually want your children to have a good relationship with their father, consider NOT having family time with your ex-husband. He can find his own swimming pool and have his own family dinners. He doesn't need to be included in yours. It sounds to me like what you are doing is bending over backwards to pretend that nothing has changed for your children, when that could not be further from the truth. I do not think what you have posted makes you sound like a kind person. I think it makes you sound like a hurt, angry person who is using her children to punish her husband. While I can certainly understand the urge, that is not a quality that I will ever find to be positive. It is manipulative. If you want to be "kind" then let your husband make his own decisions about who to socialize with (OW or no OW).

Have you actually accepted that your marriage is over? Because the things you describe sound more like the conditions placed on an unfaithful spouse who is trying to reconcile, not someone who is waiting to get a divorce court date.[/quote]

Wow! What kind of controlling life do you come from that you see all this crazy. You realize your post is more about you than me.

You lost me at "require him to go to therapy" ... I have nothing to do with his therapy.

Sure the kids are going to a public pool instead of our back yard... NOT!

You sound angry and bitter about your controlling wife.

People use to call us Dharma and Greg, I am like Dharma not some uptight controlling wife.

Yes. I accept it is over, I guess you would be more understanding if I was weak and curled up in a ball crying about it, but I am not. I have a great life, no wonder he wants to be around it.

You realize how long a divorce takes... It does not happen over night.

The OW is my son's friend's mother... So no... Seeing her would hurt lots of people, grow up and stop hurting people.

[/quote]

You still don't get it. You keep saying he wants to be around you and in your life. No. He cheated on you and you're divorcing. He arguably does not place a lot of importance on being a part of YOUR life. But you control access to the kids who he DOES want to see. Get it? You're a gatekeeper, that's it. [/quote]

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