Reply to DH's anti-social nature causing resentment

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I think the big issue here isn't the frequency or the leaving early, but the fact that he is turning this into some sort of fight/power struggle every time.  I would talk about THAT.  Not how often, but the fact that he is so negative about every single social occasion means that he is punishing you for wanting to socialize.  What if you complained and griped and made him feel like a jerk every time he went for a run?  It would suck the pleasure out of it and that's not fair.

Once you explain that his attitude is the problem, then you can find a compromise--e.g., he will go to three social events with you per month, staying at least 3 hours each time with a cheerful and positive attitude and in return you won't even ask him to attend any other events.  He is 100% off the hook except for those 3 things.  Everything else you will send apologies or go solo.[/quote]

I am this PP.  Since a lot of people jumped on this, I thought I'd clarify.  Yes, obviously, opening a conversation by saying, "Your attitude is a problem" is not going to be successful.  But it sounds like OP has tried to talk to her DH about socializing, expectations, frequency, etc.  Those aren't the real problem.  The real problem is that he's making her so miserable about every invitation that she can't wnjoy the times he DOES join, and it's causing a lot of tension.

If she can explain that her goal isn't to have him socialize more, or to have him do things on her terms, but that her main goal is to stop fighting about invitations, then they can hopefully engage in some positive problem-solving.  My solution was an example.  If he mainly wants time alone, then being assured that he will only have to sacrifice 9 hours a month of alone time might be great for him.  If he wants her to stop going out and stay in together, then they can include that.  That's how a solution-oriented conversation works, kids.[/quote]

But her goals are to have him socialize more and on her terms. [/quote]

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