Reply to DH's anti-social nature causing resentment

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I'm hoping to get some kindhearted advice as I am really struggling with this.

DH and I are in early 30s. Together 13 years, married for eight. Two children, five and two. We have a good life. Healthy kids, jobs with reasonable hours, no financial concerns, beautiful house etc.

I am the definition of an extroverted introvert. Very friendly and social, but relish my alone time. DH is a loner and has gotten MUCH more introverted over time. When we first started dating, he had a close group of friends he regularly saw etc. Now he focuses on work, his running, and our family. He's a good husband and a great and involved father. When we're together or in a small group, he's funny, chill and relaxed.

Fast forward to now and getting him to go to any social event is like pulling teeth. We have a number of close groups of friends – from the kids' school, in our neighborhood – and are invited to stuff with them pretty regularly. BBQs, dinners out, stuff with the kids etc. Pretty much every time we get an invitation, he huffs and rolls his eyes. He makes excuses to leave early, or complains that he doesn't want to go. And these are people that he actually likes!

It's becoming so frustrating to me. I've tried to be understanding - limiting times that people come to our house (though I don't want to be seen as a mooch), giving him lots of notice, turning down various invitations - but I find myself becoming resentful. Rather than looking forward to invitations, I know dread how he's going to react and how we will bicker about it. Friday nights are automatically out because he does a long run on Saturdays. A once weekly hangout after work – a glass of wine in the driveway while the kids play, for example - is an issue because it interferes with his alone time with the kids (so he says).

Over the past months he's left every night out early (730 vs 9 - no ones staying out til midnight here), gone home from a guys' weekend in the evening vs staying overnight, and tried to leave a family wedding (HIS family) a few hours away and drive home that evening (vs staying in hotel, seeing everyone at the brunch etc).

I realize there are worse things - as I said he's a kind and loyal person and a great partner. But I find myself getting more and more frustrated with the situation - I feel I'm constantly making excuses for him, defending him, and then bickering with him about why he's being this way. Im trying to be understanding and we already do a lot less than most couples in these groups - I don't feel like I'm pushing for a crazy amount of social interaction here. Any advice would be appreciated.[/quote]

You don't seem to have much empathy for your husband's position.  He is an introvert.  Socializing is tiring.  He went to the guys' event and the wedding, he just got his fill of socializing earlier than most.  He probably wanted his weekends to have some unscheduled down time, which is in short supply when young kids are in the picture.  He also might be feeling pressured by you to go to things, and that might be why you are getting a negative reaction any time you bring something up.  Have you tried saying, "The kids and I are going to X event this weekend; we would love it if you joined us!" Leave it at that.  It's a no-pressure invitation.  As an introvert myself, I found myself dodging the people who always wanted to badger me into socializing with them.  But you also have to accept that he may not ever want to attend as many events as you'd like, because what truly recharges him on the weekend is low-key time at home.  Let him know how happy it makes you when he accompanies you, rather than criticizing him for being different.[/quote]

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