Reply to 2nd grade girl drama - start with teacher or counselor?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Part of kids learning to stand up for themselves is learning to ask for help when needed.  In this case, your daughter should bring it to the teacher's attention, and let her know that other kids are having issues too.  Only if the teacher doesn't do anything should you get involved.  This hasn't risen to the level of bullying, and until it does, see what you daughter can do.  I would bet that she can surprise you if you give her the chance.[/quote]

Her DD. Did ask for help. She asked her mom for help. She did is by telling her about the situation. That's how little kids ask for help. Keep in mind many, many adults also have problems asking others for help so to say a 2nd grader should be able to do it perfectly is ridiculous and ignores reality.

Yes, the teacher should be contacted as well as the counselor and the principal. Most schools now are very keen on stopping this behavior in the elementary years and the "kids will be kids" attitude had been slowing turning to intervention with the realization that mean kids are kids that need help with social skills and he earlier the better.

When I see parents express things like "let them work it out" or "you are helicoptering" it just says that the parent themselves is afraid. Afraid of confrontation and afraid of acknowledging that their kid might not be the cool, popular kid or the kid who has problem making friends. I also think the parent is the one with low self esteem who can't speak up in behalf of their child. When you as the parent don't model it, your child will not learn it when they are young.[/quote]

And her DD needs help in learning to stand up for herself, [b]which means [b]DD [/b]needs to speak to someone at school, not have mom jump the gun.  By second grade, most kids are able to bring this to a teacher or counselor, and OP needs to work with her daughter on figuring out who to go to for help, not always bringing things to her[/b].[/quote]

By 2nd grade most of the teachers are shooing kids away and telling them not to come to them for help with issues. In fact, it's a very confusing message that teachers can send unless the teachers take the time to really spell out what issues should get handled by the kids themselves vs. what issues require intervention.  And no, most teachers do not take this approach.

Another issue is that teacher very often do not take the concerns of the student seriously UNTIL the parent also reaches out to the teacher with the same concern.

[b]So here is how the lesson in independence goes - parent tells child to be independent and advocate for them self, child goes to teacher with issue, teacher nods sympathetically and provides no help except the expected platitudes but no solution and nothing serious done, child internalizes the message that the teacher doesn't consider the problem serious so the child is wrong and didn't have good judgement, and the situation keeps happening but child doesn't tell teacher again because in their 2nd grade mind the teacher told child they were wrong to come and tell her/him, and child continues to be miserable.[/b]

For a lot of kids, by the time they are complaining to a parent about the situation, they have already been through the above scenario because they understand the concept of asking the teacher for help.[/quote]

OP here. This is my take on many of these situations exactly. [/quote]

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