Reply to My neighbors think I'm an abused wife

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, hugs. It sounds like you are in a very difficult situation. As someone on the wrong side of 40s, I can fully appreciate how difficult the thought of starting over is. Maybe think about what is the most important thing in the world to you. Is it having a child? Having a loving and supportive relationship? I know both would be great, but sometimes we don't get all we want :-( Start chipping away at your goal and ignoring everything else. That's my take on this.[/quote]

The thing is, he IS loving (in his way - he tells me often that he loves me and feels so lucky to have found me) and he IS supportive (also in his way; he doesn't always know how to help me but he tries). But he's also quick-tempered and a little bit entitled in the world, and careless and kind of clueless. I often feel lonely in the relationship because he will get lost in the newspaper for hours and forget that I exist. We spent two minutes on the couch together this morning, just hugging each other and being nice, and it made such a huge difference in how I felt about everything today. (Though I still wrote this post, so...)

He's just so sensitive to being blamed for my negative feelings. I think couples therapy needs to be our next stop.[/quote]

You have described the cycle (and effects) of emotional abuse perfectly.  What "little things" are you "nagging" him about?  I am guessing that these are normal things (i.e. can you please not leave your socks on the floor?  Can you please not leave a wet glass on our nice table without a coaster?), which in an emotionally healthy relationship, do not have any emotional attachment or responses tied to them.  I'm just noting this to help you have perspective.  I have been where you are, and it is hard to accept the truth -- this is emotional abuse.  Now you may choose to live with it (because it isn't so bad, because it is infrequent, because ....), but don't fool yourself that this is anything other than emotional abuse.

How do you stop emotional abuse?  Your husband will need to resolve the underlying fears inside of him regarding his need for control and fear of rejection.  You cannot solve those for him.

What type of "daily meditation" is he doing?  How long are his meditation sessions?  What is the product of them?  This information will provide helpful insights into how close or far he is from resolving the issues noted above.  [/quote]

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