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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Why do you need to make an official declaration? Why do you need to get your mother involved? You're better off keeping her at a distance and giving generic non-committal responses to her attempts to contact you. Don't engage.[/quote]
Unless you want the drama and want to make absolutely clear to your sister you are cutting off your relationship with her, I think holding her at arms length, and see and communicate with her only when you are seeing your mother, especially since you say you don't want to damage your relationship with Mom. By making a clear, unequivocal statement that you are cutting off your sister, you are forcing your Mom to make a choice between her children. It is up to you if that is what you want to do, and only you know the level of toxicity in your relationship with sister. I'm a firm believer in clear statements and non engagement with toxic people. Tell her next time she calls that what she is doing is unacceptable, you are not going to engage with her on it, and leave it at that.[/quote]

agree....great post![/quote]

Think hard about whether "cutting your sister" is really going to make your life better.  You'll be basically making your mom (and the rest of your family) choose between you and your sister when hosting family events, including holidays, birthday parties, etc.  And in some ways, you'll be making them choose between you anyway.  Honestly, will you be okay with it if your mom decides to invite your sister instead of you to something?  Or invites your sister and you, knowing that you've said you won't attend if she does?

Personally, I'd be calling her out when she says awful things.  I'd be ignoring everything she says.  And I'd only be seeing her when it was a whole-family event, and never reaching out to her.  But unless she was mistreating my kids, I wouldn't be cutting her off, because I wouldn't want to deal with the natural repercussions with the rest of my family.  U[/quote]

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