Reply to Found out that BIL was badly abused as a child and I don't think that my sister knows it

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Reply to "Found out that BIL was badly abused as a child and I don't think that my sister knows it"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I sort of know my husband was not given the best environment as a kid, and every now and then he lets slip a glimpse of exactly how bad it was. It is the one thing I know that he struggles with and I don't ask him about it, even though I know there is more to the story than he has ever said.  I am trying to imagine if someone came up to me with something similar to what OP has been told. No, ,I don't think I need to know it and I think for me (and definitely my husband) it would be sort of humiliating to think that people are gossiping about it. [/quote]
Exactly. But selfish op doesn't give a shit. She adores the opportunity to engage in gossip by some unknown individual.[/quote]

Honestly, different strokes.. I am with OP, I cannot even imagine feeling that something in my partner's life was a tough experience and not gently branching out to him and help him talk about it. My DH had an awful stepdad for a few years. Like most men he looked like he didn't "want to talk about it". But when approached the right way he did, he talked, and talked. And I can see the bottled resentment coming out, and the knots in his body opening. My goodness, he is so much happier when he doesn't have to hide that part of his history and hear me say "yes that guy was awful, those 3 years were horrible and you are right to still be pissed off about it".

I can't imagine letting that kind of story hide under the rug and fester some nasty resentment.. Have you guys ever heard about talk therapy? Are you still living in Victorian England? [/quote]

But his SIL won't be giving him talk therapy.  He has to be ready and do it on his own terms.[/quote] Perhaps he has already gone to therapy and "come to terms" with the past abuse. I am an abuse survivor. I have had therapy. My in laws do not know my past. It isn't any of their business. I chose not to make my life about having been a victim. Too often when people find out it changes their perceptions of you. I am very selective of who I tell and how much I tell. I am a survivor not a victim. My life story is mine alone to share or not to share. Op is preparing to victimize this man once again by gossiping about things for which he had no control and got which she gas heard second hand. People like her love a good story--the more awful the better. She is entirely too smug and gleeful to have a juicy story to tell. This says a lot about her character or lack thereof. In this thread, post after post by survivors have said she should keep her mouth shut and yet she and those who have never lived through abuse think they know what is best. The egotism is unbelievable.[/quote]

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