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[quote=Anonymous]
OP - I think you and BF better have a long view towards marriage because you have a lot of issues to clarify.

- He has good school credentials AND studied a hot field - Middle East at this time so if he also has at least a working knowledge of one of the key languages in that area of the world he needs to be looking at government jobs that will get him on a GS ranking.  The benefits are excellent and the pay a lot more than 75K as he advances.  He might look into the Presidential Management Internship Program with his area of focus background to see if he could still qualify or not as entry point into government.   Or at least talk to some agencies to see what is out there as he should be able to earn more than 75K.

- With his loan debts, you two need to pay to go to a financial counselor - not one who sells products, but a professional who looks at your overall financial picture, helps you review your financial goals and in  your case could help you develop a monthly budget to live on and pay down debt.  We have one daughter who is out of grad school 8 years with 55K in student loan debt, married six years to SIL  who finished law school debt free, but who only temped for two years till first job four years ago.  Between them they were able to work, marry and save $200,000 K for a downpayment in  a home in NOVA.   She also paid down her school debt in 8 years to $7,000 from her earning. This was in addition to having two children, paying for a new van in cash and having college funds for the kids on track she tells me.  They have a budget as they are now in savings mode to accumulate cash to move up in home market. Without direct knowledge, I suspect they live on her salary and bank most of his.  You need to more or less follow a similar line of pouring as much as possible of his salary towards paying down the debts.  You could also have an account for a wedding, but honestly a big wedding now would be a rather frivolous luxury.

- Once a plan is in place, you both need to see how you do on it for several months and see how things go as benchmarks are met for paying down the loan, building an emergency savings,  paying monthly bills etc.

- At the same  time, you two might go to couples' counseling for a few sessions to learn to talk honestly to one another about how you view money in relationship to family members and why.  I would hope that BF would also be advised to speak directly to his parents with you present in general about "your family" goals now and once you marry and how you will  not be in a position to help them financially so they do need to understand that not because you do not care about them, but because your family will be priority number one.  You might find resources for them such as free financial counseling or debt reduction services, A Dave Ramsey course which you could pay for or possible senior center counseling services.  If they are in their 50s they have plenty of time to reign in their finances and at least try to prepare for the future.  Mother should get out and get a job - heck she could make $15 to $20 an hour watching children even just before and after school........

I will just note that neither of our daughters living in the DMV with a home and two young children and family incomes of around $200K  ever consider that Mom could be a completely SAHM for any time.  One works only 3 days a week in her field, but earns $75/hour.
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