Reply to In Laws invite DH's ex wife and child on holidays we don't have the child

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]DH gets alternating holidays with his daughter.  The other holidays we spend with my family.  For the past few years, in laws have invited DH's ex wife, who he does not have a good relationship with, and daughter to the holidays that we are with my family.  They don't mention they are doing it in advance, don't discuss with DH, we just end up seeing photos of everyone all together on facebook.  I understand that they want to spend time with their grandchild, but shouldn't the ex be spending time with her side of the family on those holidays (they are local too)?  [b]A quick visit is ok, but to family thanksgiving? And without us?  DH is furious because he has asked his mom in the past not to do this and he thinks it is disrespectful to the two of us.[/b]  On the holidays when we do have his dd , they don't invite the ex, or at least haven't up to now, but I can't help but feel slighted in this situation.  MIL doesn't seem to respect DH's wishes.  I know children should come first, but this dynamic is very uncomfortable.[/quote]

OP, it's their home. Their holiday. You and your husband are not even present. How on Earth is their inviting someone, anyone to their own home, when you and DH are not even there, "disrespectful"? Is it because DH and the ex don't get along so he expects his parents not to get along with her, to the point they don't see their own grandchild on holidays because he doesn't like it?

His daughter has a relationship with his parents that is not necessarily tied entirely to HIS relationship with them. He needs to see that or he is going to make his daughter feel guilty for seeing her own grandparents. And eventually she will realize he's making her feel guilty, and she will be resentful of him for that. If he wants to have a sad, possessive, guilt-ridden relationship with his daughter, this is a great way to go about it.

Think how much worse it would be if his parents invited the ex and daughter over ON the holidays when you are there, or just the ex if daughter is there with you. In some families this would happen, especially if the parents were not thrilled about the divorce, or felt close to the former daughter in law. His parents ARE respecting everyone by keeping the ex's visits with daughter at their house separate from DH's and your visits with daughter at their house. The real disrespect is your husband's, for assuming he has a right to tell his parents who can be a guest in their own home and on what occasions.

As for "shouldn't the ex be spending time with her side of the family" on holidays instead of being at your in-laws' -- maybe she'd much rather be with her own family but sucks it up so that her child can have a relationship with your husband's parents. Why is that so awful? I would think your husband would be OK with his ex actually making an effort to ensure that their child sees HIS family and not just her own.[/quote]

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