Reply to Domestic violence - is it inevitable in every relationship?

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[quote=Anonymous]TL;DR - OP your gut is obviously not ok with the information you have right now. Contrary to what you may hear and read, there are many very decent men out there who will not cause gnawing feelings of unease. Find the strength to pass on this one. There is almost always more to the story than you are being told.

The long version:
I recently got out of a relationship with a man who had one previous domestic "incident". When he told me the story, he did a great job of minimizing his role (she flipped out on him etc. etc.), which I gather is the story he gave his cop buddies (he's an ex DC cop) so SHE was arrested since he had a cut on his forehead.

Although he could be verbally and emotionally abusive, I never felt that I was in danger around him. In fact, I stayed with him far longer than I should have partly because his strength and confidence made me feel very safe.

One night during an argument he pinned me to the sofa and with one arm held me in place by my neck for what felt like 10 minutes, but was probably less. I scratched the f*ck out of his arms and fingers but couldn't move. The bruises on my neck only lasted a couple of days.

All outward appearances indicate an upbeat, fun-loving, ambitious guy who's ready to settle down with the right woman. Turns out he had previously had to attend mandatory anger-management counseling after his prior incident, but of course he has no record. I wish he had to wear a brand for the rest of his life.[/quote]

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