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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I'm meeting her boyfriend to talk about things this weekend. This has all been a shock because I didn't even know she had a boyfriend. She's been keeping everything a secret. Apparently she's 4 months along already. I'm worried because she has dated abusive men in past relationships. This entire time she's been saying she's single. She didn't expose all of this until I mentioned I was thinking about visiting her in Chicago.

It seems to me that all I can really do is let her know how worried I am about her. There's a lot of question marks right now as I don't even know her boyfriend

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Why on earth are you meeting with her boyfriend about anything? This is none of your business, OP. Your daughter has told you as much by choosing to keep her life a secret from you, which, by the way, is entirely within her rights as she is an adult and doesn't need your approval about any of her choices.

If you want to have a meaningful role in her life, you will need to mind your business and *ask* her if she needs any support from you and if she says yes, find out what support and decide for yourself if you are able to provide it.[/quote]

WOW!!! seriously? you think that it is non of his business?? It is not uncommon or unreasonable for the boyfriend to meet his girlfriends parents. Keep in mind all of you that get SOOOO upset with MIL and FIL on this forum. Also keep in mind all of you that get SOOO upset because you didn't consider the impact that mismatched family backgrounds have had on your own marriages. The OP has correctly identified that there is a cultural mismatch between his daughter and her boyfriend. The daughter could very well be making a big mistake. Most couples who are not ashamed in some way of their relationship WANT to introduce their partner to their families and friends. When they have underlying reservations about the situation they tend to hide things. All you people need to get off your high-horses.
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Work on that reading comprehension, PP. Yes, I said it is none of OP's business what his daughter is choosing to do. She is an adult and has chosen to keep aspects of her life from her father, which should clue him in her decisions are not his business. Therefore, his meeting with the boyfriend to discuss anything outside of anything specifically requested by his DD is out of bounds. He doesn't own her. She is an adult.

This doesn't mean they can't meet. Yes, it is common to meet the parents. But when he meets the boyfriend, he should not be meeting to discuss anything on his agenda. He should get to know the person his daughter chose and support them on their future adult plans. The cultural mismatch is all in OPs head and his opinion on her making mistakes means nothing if she has not asked him for help. According to him, she hasn't. SO clearly, he is making something his business that isn't.

As for your other nonsense about MIL/FIL issues here, you are merely proving my point. These issues, nine times out of ten (read the threads) have to do with some MIL/FIL not minding their business and respecting their adult children's choices and families.[/quote]

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