Be a good Christian. Be a strong man. Offer unconditional love to your daughter. Show her strength of character. I know you can do it, and your relationship with her will be stronger for it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you upset that he is foreign and the baby might be dark?

No. Her mother was foreign. I'm not racist.

Did her mother use you for citizenship?

No I already had my citizenship. Her boyfriends job seems unstable since he works on short contacts. Apparently he doesn't want to tell his family about the baby. He's Indian and from a very conservative background.

That will be a huge problem, then. His family will never accept her with an out of wedlock baby. I would support her as best I could and definitely NOT push marriage. My guess is that they will break up, unfortunately. The child will be kept a secret.

Boyfriend wants to marry fast and then tell his parents after about marriage.

Well then you have the answer to your question. Boyfriend isn't marrying for citizenship he is marrying so that they have a shot at her being accepted by his parents. While there are abusers everywhere, Indian men that come to American are some of the the nicest men I've met. They all treat women with a lot of respect.

It is a pretty sexist culture. I don't blame OP for being cautious. And also abuse is pretty rampant.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm meeting her boyfriend to talk about things this weekend. This has all been a shock because I didn't even know she had a boyfriend. She's been keeping everything a secret. Apparently she's 4 months along already. I'm worried because she has dated abusive men in past relationships. This entire time she's been saying she's single. She didn't expose all of this until I mentioned I was thinking about visiting her in Chicago.

It seems to me that all I can really do is let her know how worried I am about her. There's a lot of question marks right now as I don't even know her boyfriend

Why on earth are you meeting with her boyfriend about anything? This is none of your business, OP. Your daughter has told you as much by choosing to keep her life a secret from you, which, by the way, is entirely within her rights as she is an adult and doesn't need your approval about any of her choices.

If you want to have a meaningful role in her life, you will need to mind your business and *ask* her if she needs any support from you and if she says yes, find out what support and decide for yourself if you are able to provide it.

WOW!!! seriously? you think that it is non of his business?? It is not uncommon or unreasonable for the boyfriend to meet his girlfriends parents. Keep in mind all of you that get SOOOO upset with MIL and FIL on this forum. Also keep in mind all of you that get SOOO upset because you didn't consider the impact that mismatched family backgrounds have had on your own marriages. The OP has correctly identified that there is a cultural mismatch between his daughter and her boyfriend. The daughter could very well be making a big mistake. Most couples who are not ashamed in some way of their relationship WANT to introduce their partner to their families and friends. When they have underlying reservations about the situation they tend to hide things. All you people need to get off your high-horses.

Work on that reading comprehension, PP. Yes, I said it is none of OP's business what his daughter is choosing to do. She is an adult and has chosen to keep aspects of her life from her father, which should clue him in her decisions are not his business. Therefore, his meeting with the boyfriend to discuss anything outside of anything specifically requested by his DD is out of bounds. He doesn't own her. She is an adult.

This doesn't mean they can't meet. Yes, it is common to meet the parents. But when he meets the boyfriend, he should not be meeting to discuss anything on his agenda. He should get to know the person his daughter chose and support them on their future adult plans. The cultural mismatch is all in OPs head and his opinion on her making mistakes means nothing if she has not asked him for help. According to him, she hasn't. SO clearly, he is making something his business that isn't.

As for your other nonsense about MIL/FIL issues here, you are merely proving my point. These issues, nine times out of ten (read the threads) have to do with some MIL/FIL not minding their business and respecting their adult children's choices and families.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm meeting her boyfriend to talk about things this weekend. This has all been a shock because I didn't even know she had a boyfriend. She's been keeping everything a secret. Apparently she's 4 months along already. I'm worried because she has dated abusive men in past relationships. This entire time she's been saying she's single. She didn't expose all of this until I mentioned I was thinking about visiting her in Chicago.

It seems to me that all I can really do is let her know how worried I am about her. There's a lot of question marks right now as I don't even know her boyfriend

Why on earth are you meeting with her boyfriend about anything? This is none of your business, OP. Your daughter has told you as much by choosing to keep her life a secret from you, which, by the way, is entirely within her rights as she is an adult and doesn't need your approval about any of her choices.

If you want to have a meaningful role in her life, you will need to mind your business and *ask* her if she needs any support from you and if she says yes, find out what support and decide for yourself if you are able to provide it.

WOW!!! seriously? you think that it is non of his business?? It is not uncommon or unreasonable for the boyfriend to meet his girlfriends parents. Keep in mind all of you that get SOOOO upset with MIL and FIL on this forum. Also keep in mind all of you that get SOOO upset because you didn't consider the impact that mismatched family backgrounds have had on your own marriages. The OP has correctly identified that there is a cultural mismatch between his daughter and her boyfriend. The daughter could very well be making a big mistake. Most couples who are not ashamed in some way of their relationship WANT to introduce their partner to their families and friends. When they have underlying reservations about the situation they tend to hide things. All you people need to get off your high-horses.

Ummm.... It sounds more like the highly educated daughter is ashamed of her " Christian upbringing". I would bet she's ashamed of her very prejudiced, judgmental, and fundamentalist father.

ummm.... "highly educated" isn't she planning on being a teacher? that profession isn't all that "educated" those who can do those who can't teach and those who can't teach get a masters degree in administration and run the school....

Your teachers certainly failed.

It sounds as though these two young ADULTS are in love and know their parents all too well. They are in no uncertain terms telling their parents that they are going to be together, they are getting married and they are having a baby.

Now the grandparents have to set back and watch their fledglings fly. There are far worse things than being young and in love and setting off on your life together...sigh. So sweet.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm meeting her boyfriend to talk about things this weekend. This has all been a shock because I didn't even know she had a boyfriend. She's been keeping everything a secret. Apparently she's 4 months along already. I'm worried because she has dated abusive men in past relationships. This entire time she's been saying she's single. She didn't expose all of this until I mentioned I was thinking about visiting her in Chicago.

It seems to me that all I can really do is let her know how worried I am about her. There's a lot of question marks right now as I don't even know her boyfriend

Why on earth are you meeting with her boyfriend about anything? This is none of your business, OP. Your daughter has told you as much by choosing to keep her life a secret from you, which, by the way, is entirely within her rights as she is an adult and doesn't need your approval about any of her choices.

If you want to have a meaningful role in her life, you will need to mind your business and *ask* her if she needs any support from you and if she says yes, find out what support and decide for yourself if you are able to provide it.

WOW!!! seriously? you think that it is non of his business?? It is not uncommon or unreasonable for the boyfriend to meet his girlfriends parents. Keep in mind all of you that get SOOOO upset with MIL and FIL on this forum. Also keep in mind all of you that get SOOO upset because you didn't consider the impact that mismatched family backgrounds have had on your own marriages. The OP has correctly identified that there is a cultural mismatch between his daughter and her boyfriend. The daughter could very well be making a big mistake. Most couples who are not ashamed in some way of their relationship WANT to introduce their partner to their families and friends. When they have underlying reservations about the situation they tend to hide things. All you people need to get off your high-horses.

Ummm.... It sounds more like the highly educated daughter is ashamed of her " Christian upbringing". I would bet she's ashamed of her very prejudiced, judgmental, and fundamentalist father.

ummm.... "highly educated" isn't she planning on being a teacher? that profession isn't all that "educated" those who can do those who can't teach and those who can't teach get a masters degree in administration and run the school....

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm meeting her boyfriend to talk about things this weekend. This has all been a shock because I didn't even know she had a boyfriend. She's been keeping everything a secret. Apparently she's 4 months along already. I'm worried because she has dated abusive men in past relationships. This entire time she's been saying she's single. She didn't expose all of this until I mentioned I was thinking about visiting her in Chicago.

It seems to me that all I can really do is let her know how worried I am about her. There's a lot of question marks right now as I don't even know her boyfriend

Why on earth are you meeting with her boyfriend about anything? This is none of your business, OP. Your daughter has told you as much by choosing to keep her life a secret from you, which, by the way, is entirely within her rights as she is an adult and doesn't need your approval about any of her choices.

If you want to have a meaningful role in her life, you will need to mind your business and *ask* her if she needs any support from you and if she says yes, find out what support and decide for yourself if you are able to provide it.

WOW!!! seriously? you think that it is non of his business?? It is not uncommon or unreasonable for the boyfriend to meet his girlfriends parents. Keep in mind all of you that get SOOOO upset with MIL and FIL on this forum. Also keep in mind all of you that get SOOO upset because you didn't consider the impact that mismatched family backgrounds have had on your own marriages. The OP has correctly identified that there is a cultural mismatch between his daughter and her boyfriend. The daughter could very well be making a big mistake. Most couples who are not ashamed in some way of their relationship WANT to introduce their partner to their families and friends. When they have underlying reservations about the situation they tend to hide things. All you people need to get off your high-horses.

Ummm.... It sounds more like the highly educated daughter is ashamed of her " Christian upbringing". I would bet she's ashamed of her very prejudiced, judgmental, and fundamentalist father.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm meeting her boyfriend to talk about things this weekend. This has all been a shock because I didn't even know she had a boyfriend. She's been keeping everything a secret. Apparently she's 4 months along already. I'm worried because she has dated abusive men in past relationships. This entire time she's been saying she's single. She didn't expose all of this until I mentioned I was thinking about visiting her in Chicago.

It seems to me that all I can really do is let her know how worried I am about her. There's a lot of question marks right now as I don't even know her boyfriend

Why on earth are you meeting with her boyfriend about anything? This is none of your business, OP. Your daughter has told you as much by choosing to keep her life a secret from you, which, by the way, is entirely within her rights as she is an adult and doesn't need your approval about any of her choices.

If you want to have a meaningful role in her life, you will need to mind your business and *ask* her if she needs any support from you and if she says yes, find out what support and decide for yourself if you are able to provide it.

WOW!!! seriously? you think that it is non of his business?? It is not uncommon or unreasonable for the boyfriend to meet his girlfriends parents. Keep in mind all of you that get SOOOO upset with MIL and FIL on this forum. Also keep in mind all of you that get SOOO upset because you didn't consider the impact that mismatched family backgrounds have had on your own marriages. The OP has correctly identified that there is a cultural mismatch between his daughter and her boyfriend. The daughter could very well be making a big mistake. Most couples who are not ashamed in some way of their relationship WANT to introduce their partner to their families and friends. When they have underlying reservations about the situation they tend to hide things. All you people need to get off your high-horses.

Anonymous wrote:I'm meeting her boyfriend to talk about things this weekend. This has all been a shock because I didn't even know she had a boyfriend. She's been keeping everything a secret. Apparently she's 4 months along already. I'm worried because she has dated abusive men in past relationships. This entire time she's been saying she's single. She didn't expose all of this until I mentioned I was thinking about visiting her in Chicago.

It seems to me that all I can really do is let her know how worried I am about her. There's a lot of question marks right now as I don't even know her boyfriend

Why on earth are you meeting with her boyfriend about anything? This is none of your business, OP. Your daughter has told you as much by choosing to keep her life a secret from you, which, by the way, is entirely within her rights as she is an adult and doesn't need your approval about any of her choices.

If you want to have a meaningful role in her life, you will need to mind your business and *ask* her if she needs any support from you and if she says yes, find out what support and decide for yourself if you are able to provide it.

Yawn.

I though this was going to be about a teenager.

Anonymous wrote:I am crushed and ashamed that my 23 y/o daughter is pregnant. My young, unmarried, "from a Christian home" daughter is pregnant. This is just the worst thing that could have happened. Her mother died when she was young, and I feel like this is all my fault. She's been with her foreign boyfriend for a year and I've met him zero times. My daughter just finished grad school and was supposed to start teaching this fall. Her boyfriend has a nice career. They want to marry. I'm shocked my daughter admitted to planning to have the baby.

So you have an adult, highly educated, healthy daughter who is in a committed relationship and this is worst thing ever?
So glad you didn't get that devastating middle of the night phone call that something truly tragic happened to her. THEN you would know the worst pain.

I've worked with dozens and dozens of women who teach before and after pregnancies. It's hardly a new thing! Perhaps not letting you meet her boyfriend is a defense mechanism for her. You clearly cannot grasp her reality and expect her to live your version. Maybe you are better off distancing yourself further if you cannot put aside your prejudices and love her for who she is. Many fathers would be thrilled to have such a successful child.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is not the worst thing that can happen.

The worst thing that can happen is your parents build a pool instead of buying you a house or sending your kids to private school.

Why would your parents pay for their grandkids private school.... Hell they should build 2 pools before they drop a dime on the grandkids private school. Support your own kids or don't send them to private school if you can't do that...

PP here. I was joking. The thread on parents building a pool was priceless.

Anonymous wrote:This is not the worst thing that can happen.

The worst thing that can happen is your parents build a pool instead of buying you a house or sending your kids to private school.

I saw that thread yesterday... The entitlement of the OP made me LoL... I'm glad her parents went with the pool

Anonymous wrote:This is not the worst thing that can happen.

The worst thing that can happen is your parents build a pool instead of buying you a house or sending your kids to private school.

Why would your parents pay for their grandkids private school.... Hell they should build 2 pools before they drop a dime on the grandkids private school. Support your own kids or don't send them to private school if you can't do that...

This is not the worst thing that can happen.

The worst thing that can happen is your parents build a pool instead of buying you a house or sending your kids to private school.