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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here again. Thank you for all of these interesting perspectives.

In thinking about why I want to know more -- I guess to fill in gaps in the family story line. If this is all true, it does explain a few gaps in the big picture. It would also, in some weird way, make my grandfather more real to me. All I've ever heard is how wonderful, smart, kind, generous etc he was. It does display the good side/ bad side of human nature. Also, my father died last year and I'm becoming increasingly aware of how these stories -- bad and good -- will not always be available to us.

However, I also think there is no reason to upset my mother by bringing this up again at this stage in her life. I don't know if she ever made peace with it, but my rehashing it now will not help that.

I think I can assume that it is true and as posters have suggested, I could always research more on my own if I ever really want to know. [b]And there is nothing to prevent me from making my own form of restitution in a quiet way, perhaps by making a donation of money and/or volunteer time that would help the larger issue.[/b] No, it will not change what happened all those yea  Thrs ago but could close the circle among these generations of my family.[/quote]

Not knowing what this secret is, I think the bolded part is a good idea.  Make amends I guess where and how you can, and leave your mom out of it.  She's dealt with it or not, but at this stage I doubt she needs to rehash it at all.  There are gaps in a lot of families, and I'm of the mind that dark family secrets don't always need to be shared.[/quote]

I agree, and I think the OP is a good person for making quiet restitution.  No he did not commit the crime and does not owe the victim - but I absolutely think he should do something nice, if in a position to do so (some scholarship money for any a descendant?)

I suppose this is DC, but I shouldn't be surprised - Everyone fighting for the delicate sensibilities of a family that protected a person that did something horrible.  Oh boo hoo. I bet law enforcement would disagree with you... and the victim and his/her families.[/quote]

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