Reply to Help Me Not Lose My Cool w/ DS's Teacher -- rant

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[quote=Anonymous]OP, I've read this entire thread and I keep going back and forth about whether to respond.  But, because of your recent post about considering private school, I decided to.  I adopted three kids - we are a bi racial, multicultural family.  I never forget that and will never leave the DC Metro area because I don't want my kids to be different.  Here, different is practically normal.

Thing is with SN, you are likely to find that only expensive specialized private schools meet your child's needs - I for one can't afford that.  Public is actually very good for SN kids, but you have to work with the schools and sometimes get outside assistance, like testing and tutoring.

I am really bothered by what your son's doctor said.  I find any insinuation that the teacher is racist or might be to be completely out of line.  But, one thing that struck me is that in my experience, the schools tended to under-expect of one of my kids because his language skills were not up to age level (he spoke English well and didn't qualify for ESOL, but that is not the same as proficiency - if you haven't done so you might want to read some of Sharon Glennon's language papers - google her).

As to the responses on the "testing", when we did this for my son, I was actually the one who was considered "harsh".  I spend a lot of time with him and I worked very hard on the assessment so that I could give a truthful and honest picture so that the doctor would really know what was happening.  Much as I love my son, sugar coating is not helpful.  My spouse, on the other hand, couldn't bear to say the hard things and that response was actually discounted because it obviously wasn't objective.  I just want to say that your son's teacher knows him well and in a different context than you, so her input is probably very different, but also probably very valuable in helping your son.  I think you let this go.

Finally, as to the communication, I find that unless your child is violent or the school can't handle your child, they don't contact you.  It's not just this teacher - it will be your entire school experience.  Over the years, I put into place mechanisms to keep in touch.  It is easier once my son was labeled SN and had an IEP.  But, it's a lot of work.  Examples of what I do are that each year before school starts or during the first week, we have a meeting with everyone that will work with my son.  I give all of my contact info and introduce my son to them by giving his background and describing my concerns and his needs.  Then, throughout the year, I send e-mails every few weeks to check in.  Sometimes I send them to thank a teacher and inevitably, I get feedback on my son's performance.  I send them when he's accomplished something at home and get feedback on how he's doing in school.  I guess what I'm saying is that if you feel like you need something different than the norm so that you can be sure your son is successful in school, then you have to be a big part in making it happen.  My son has had some of the best teachers in the county, but if it weren't for my efforts, I wouldn't hear how he's doing except at the regularly set conference and the IEP meetings. (BTW, I found the comments by teachers disingenuous because I live this and even the best don't do what they say is normal practice).

Congratulations on your adoption.  I wish your son all the success in this world.  You might want to visit the SN board at some point because there are tons of people who have gone through just about everything you can imagine and they have great advice.  [/quote]

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