OP -just wanted to pipe in and say I believe your post. I am also an adoptive mom and a lot of what you say rings true. Best of luck in finding the right school for your son.

OP, I've read this entire thread and I keep going back and forth about whether to respond. But, because of your recent post about considering private school, I decided to. I adopted three kids - we are a bi racial, multicultural family. I never forget that and will never leave the DC Metro area because I don't want my kids to be different. Here, different is practically normal.

Thing is with SN, you are likely to find that only expensive specialized private schools meet your child's needs - I for one can't afford that. Public is actually very good for SN kids, but you have to work with the schools and sometimes get outside assistance, like testing and tutoring.

I am really bothered by what your son's doctor said. I find any insinuation that the teacher is racist or might be to be completely out of line. But, one thing that struck me is that in my experience, the schools tended to under-expect of one of my kids because his language skills were not up to age level (he spoke English well and didn't qualify for ESOL, but that is not the same as proficiency - if you haven't done so you might want to read some of Sharon Glennon's language papers - google her).

As to the responses on the "testing", when we did this for my son, I was actually the one who was considered "harsh". I spend a lot of time with him and I worked very hard on the assessment so that I could give a truthful and honest picture so that the doctor would really know what was happening. Much as I love my son, sugar coating is not helpful. My spouse, on the other hand, couldn't bear to say the hard things and that response was actually discounted because it obviously wasn't objective. I just want to say that your son's teacher knows him well and in a different context than you, so her input is probably very different, but also probably very valuable in helping your son. I think you let this go.

Finally, as to the communication, I find that unless your child is violent or the school can't handle your child, they don't contact you. It's not just this teacher - it will be your entire school experience. Over the years, I put into place mechanisms to keep in touch. It is easier once my son was labeled SN and had an IEP. But, it's a lot of work. Examples of what I do are that each year before school starts or during the first week, we have a meeting with everyone that will work with my son. I give all of my contact info and introduce my son to them by giving his background and describing my concerns and his needs. Then, throughout the year, I send e-mails every few weeks to check in. Sometimes I send them to thank a teacher and inevitably, I get feedback on my son's performance. I send them when he's accomplished something at home and get feedback on how he's doing in school. I guess what I'm saying is that if you feel like you need something different than the norm so that you can be sure your son is successful in school, then you have to be a big part in making it happen. My son has had some of the best teachers in the county, but if it weren't for my efforts, I wouldn't hear how he's doing except at the regularly set conference and the IEP meetings. (BTW, I found the comments by teachers disingenuous because I live this and even the best don't do what they say is normal practice).

Congratulations on your adoption. I wish your son all the success in this world. You might want to visit the SN board at some point because there are tons of people who have gone through just about everything you can imagine and they have great advice.

It's sad that we are blaming OP for suffering from living in a racist world. It shouldn't be her issue that her son is one of the few black kids in a class. That child deserves to be treated with respect and kindness and fairness like any other kid. She shouldn't have to shell out thousands to pay for private school. OP pays her taxes like you and me.

Shame on all of you for blaming OP. She did an incredibly loving and kind thing adopting that child. It's the world that needs to catch up. Not, OP.

People are calling this a troll post because of things like this:
In your original post, you said

The doc did not observe any such extremes in DS and thinks that because DS is a very, very, VERY dark skinned black boy in an all white school and all white class, his teacher may be more quick to write him off as a troublemaker when really he might have AD/HD and/or other LDs that could improve with intervention

Then, in your latest post, you said,

DS is not the only AA in the school or his grade - there are other dark skinned minorities in his actual class as well. However, the county is predominantly white -- that is just a fact.

What is up with that, OP?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here -- first of all, it's not a transracial adoption. Thanks for assuming.

Second, I'm reeling from just finding out about this issue with my son's teacher.

Third, I researched international adoption for years. My adoption itself took almost 2 years. My DS has overcome incredible odds and is really happy -- he just has some slow learning.
I'm absolutely 10000% committed to getting him into a more diverse, supportive school environment. But I can't change the racial demographics of the county, and I can't move.

Ever go to an AA party? Every single parent there says the exact same thing. Their little snowflake is treated badly because he is "darker"

Not my/my kids' experience.

I had a parent teacher conference in the fall. About 2 months later, I requested a second meeting with the teacher after asking my DS about how his day was at school.

I am biracial. DS's adopted father is AA, FWIW. We adopted DS when he was an infant, and were not at that point checking the racial makeup of the local elementary school -- our focus was getting him out of the Haitian orphanage and addressing his malnutrition.

I can understand people thinking it's a troll post, because it's outrageous the teacher has not initiated contact with me given her seemingly extreme opinion of DS, but this has been just as much of a wake up call to me.

DS is not the only AA in the school or his grade - there are other dark skinned minorities in his actual class as well. However, the county is predominantly white -- that is just a fact. however, I don't think the assumption should be that he will be damaged unless there is a threshold number of other minorities in the class . What is the acceptable threshold where I can rest assured my child won't have issues? Isn't it also incumbent on people to be welcoming of people who look different? By the logic I'm hearing, schools would still be segregated. I am biracial and I believe in giving people an opportunity to be welcoming. Everyone has been nothing but welcoming of us in the school. DS has significant exposure to minority role models in our family. We continually affirm his race and culture and encourage him to hold his head up high. He comes home everyday with a smile on his face, invitations to play dates and birthday parties -- he is fully a part of the school community and his peers seek him out all the time.

I don't think the entire school is the issue - I am considering a school change to prepare, if I eventually conclude that DS would benefit from a smaller class size, which is what a private school can offer. Perhaps in a smaller class, the teacher that can afford to pay more attention to each child.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree with your assessment of the teacher, OP. However, I do have to ask if at any time during your adoption process (which from Haiti I know is lengthy), did anyone mention that an all white class and all white school might not be the best place for a Haitian adoptee? This is exactly the kind of thing that happens when adoptees are put in situations of being the odd man out.

Nevermind the adoption issue, as a black mother, I would never do this to my black child. Did this never occur to you when you decided to do a trans-racial adoption???
SMDH!

OP has said several times that she is black. So, this is not a transracial adoption.

Did she say she was black? she said her bio kids are biracial. That doesn't mean that the OP is black. Her spouse may be black.

The The definition of biracial is not black and white,genius.
Her kids could be Cambodian and Argentinian for all you know .

I read every post. Nowhere has OP said that she is black. She said that her adoption of a Haitian child was not transracial, so that means one parent is black.

TROLLTROLLTROLLL

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree with your assessment of the teacher, OP. However, I do have to ask if at any time during your adoption process (which from Haiti I know is lengthy), did anyone mention that an all white class and all white school might not be the best place for a Haitian adoptee? This is exactly the kind of thing that happens when adoptees are put in situations of being the odd man out.

Nevermind the adoption issue, as a black mother, I would never do this to my black child. Did this never occur to you when you decided to do a trans-racial adoption???
SMDH!

OP has said several times that she is black. So, this is not a transracial adoption.

Did she say she was black? she said her bio kids are biracial. That doesn't mean that the OP is black. Her spouse may be black.

The The definition of biracial is not black and white,genius.
Her kids could be Cambodian and Argentinian for all you know .

The OP has said that she is not white, that she is not a transracial adoptive, and that her other kids are biracial. If her child is black, and she is not a transracial adoptive parent, then she is black.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree with your assessment of the teacher, OP. However, I do have to ask if at any time during your adoption process (which from Haiti I know is lengthy), did anyone mention that an all white class and all white school might not be the best place for a Haitian adoptee? This is exactly the kind of thing that happens when adoptees are put in situations of being the odd man out.

Nevermind the adoption issue, as a black mother, I would never do this to my black child. Did this never occur to you when you decided to do a trans-racial adoption???
SMDH!

You're an idiot. First you say nevermind the adoption, immediately followed by a comment about the adoption. You're not doing any AAs any favors with your low reading comprehension abilities or your lack of basic logic skills.

Now please post back and tell me all about your Ivy league degrees.

--not OP

What an idiot!
I was saying even if this were not an adoption and a Black family did this to their kid, it would not be smart .

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree with your assessment of the teacher, OP. However, I do have to ask if at any time during your adoption process (which from Haiti I know is lengthy), did anyone mention that an all white class and all white school might not be the best place for a Haitian adoptee? This is exactly the kind of thing that happens when adoptees are put in situations of being the odd man out.

Nevermind the adoption issue, as a black mother, I would never do this to my black child. Did this never occur to you when you decided to do a trans-racial adoption???
SMDH!

OP has said several times that she is black. So, this is not a transracial adoption.

Did she say she was black? she said her bio kids are biracial. That doesn't mean that the OP is black. Her spouse may be black.

The The definition of biracial is not black and white,genius.
Her kids could be Cambodian and Argentinian for all you know .

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here -- first of all, it's not a transracial adoption. Thanks for assuming.

Second, I'm reeling from just finding out about this issue with my son's teacher.

Third, I researched international adoption for years. My adoption itself took almost 2 years. My DS has overcome incredible odds and is really happy -- he just has some slow learning.
I'm absolutely 10000% committed to getting him into a more diverse, supportive school environment. But I can't change the racial demographics of the county, and I can't move.

Should have taken that into account when you adopted the child. Being the only black kid around, yea, that is causing psychological damage to that child.
Not seeing other kids, adult role models that look like him, yes, that is psychological damage. Yes, you may love your child, but you cannot love away his race and everyone needs to see someone that looks like him/her in their environment.

Just look at how much it damaged Obama to be the only black person in his family.

I know, right? He's only the President of the United States of America.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here -- first of all, it's not a transracial adoption. Thanks for assuming.

Second, I'm reeling from just finding out about this issue with my son's teacher.

Third, I researched international adoption for years. My adoption itself took almost 2 years. My DS has overcome incredible odds and is really happy -- he just has some slow learning.
I'm absolutely 10000% committed to getting him into a more diverse, supportive school environment. But I can't change the racial demographics of the county, and I can't move.

Should have taken that into account when you adopted the child. Being the only black kid around, yea, that is causing psychological damage to that child.
Not seeing other kids, adult role models that look like him, yes, that is psychological damage. Yes, you may love your child, but you cannot love away his race and everyone needs to see someone that looks like him/her in their environment.

Just look at how much it damaged Obama to be the only black person in his family.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree with your assessment of the teacher, OP. However, I do have to ask if at any time during your adoption process (which from Haiti I know is lengthy), did anyone mention that an all white class and all white school might not be the best place for a Haitian adoptee? This is exactly the kind of thing that happens when adoptees are put in situations of being the odd man out.

Nevermind the adoption issue, as a black mother, I would never do this to my black child. Did this never occur to you when you decided to do a trans-racial adoption???
SMDH!

You're an idiot. First you say nevermind the adoption, immediately followed by a comment about the adoption. You're not doing any AAs any favors with your low reading comprehension abilities or your lack of basic logic skills.

Now please post back and tell me all about your Ivy league degrees.

--not OP