Reply to My husband discusses me in an unflattering way with his happy hour female coworker

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP says:  gaslighting sounds like an understatement.  He says this is how everyone acts in a big city (I moved here from a small town) and that this is what everyone does.  I'm just over sensitive, blah blah blah. [/quote]

Then why did she call him immediately when she saw your number? Why did he demand you leave her alone? Why did she start crying and insisting she wasn't a bad person? Cheating is one thing, but lying and trying to make you believe you're crazy is another. He is having an affair and treating you poorly.[/quote]

This. If it was just 2 colleagues/friends going out for drinks (for 4 HOURS - yeah right), there wouldn't have been that string of phone calls. If I (a woman) am out to drinks with a male colleague and say we've just left the bar and his wife calls my phone -- I would likely not pick up as I wouldn't recognize the number or if I picked up I'd say "hey Steve's wife -- we actually just left an event so I'm not with him right now, I'm happy to email him and tell him you're looking for him" -- if I knew I was doing nothing, no other explanation or tears would be necessary, and I'd assume that he had told her that he was out with a female and she was ok with it; if he hadn't -- oh well, not my problem to cry about it and tearfully explain when I did nothing wrong.

This whole string of -- you called her; he immediately called you demanding you not speak to her; you demanded to speak to her; she called you and started with tears and "I'm not a bad person" suggests that they BOTH know they're doing something wrong and he's trying to pull one over on you by saying "oh you simple country girl, this is how big city life is."

I'm not as averse to male-female coworker friendships as most of this website -- mostly bc I work in a profession with long hours and travel BUT I think it's different when we're on the road in Vancouver and decide to get a drink bc neither of us can get home to our family that night anyway; even then I'd never stay out for that many hours alone with one male colleague as I wouldn't want him or anyone to get the wrong idea. It's more like -- we both have to eat, we're both sick of room service, let's just go grab something and be done and back to our respective hotel rooms in 60-90 min where you can watch TV, call your family, whatever. BUT when you're working a 9-5 job in the same city as your family, who goes out after work with one colleague of the opposite sex for FOUR+ hours when your wife and kids are waiting at home for you!? I'd kind of understand if a group of people went out and lost track of time or if this was the firm Christmas party and they decided to hit up a bar after, but 4+ hours with one woman -- yeah -- they're doing it.[/quote]

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