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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I didn't read the thread, but I can tell you as the wife who did become fat and I'm sure my exH would have said I was lazy, I wasn't. I was miserable in a marriage, depressed, unhappy, I had lost sense of who I was as a woman, as a wife, I felt utterly helplessly miserable. And he was the reason. He was so mentally abusive and withholding, I had no idea at the time. For me though, I did go to the gym, and I did try and it didn't work. But for him, he'd put me down. He'd say I wasn't training hard, and I wasn't eating small enough. As he'd devour an entire pizza, alone and remain a super skinny guy. LONG story short, when we divorced, I lost 75 pounds. Without even trying. Because my inner woman was no longer put down, shamed, criticized. I was desired by others, I felt pretty, and my body just started responding. I think if she's depressed, she can feel your judgement and it's not helping. If you really do love her, I'd make her feel pretty, I'd go on walks with her as "dates" so you don't put her down. I'd get her a gorgeous lingerie set. I'd make her feel loved and desirable. If that doesn't work, then that is on her. But don't underestimate the value of feeling awful, and sensing your spouse feels that way about you too. [/quote]

Same thing happened to me.  I was with an abusive guy and gained a ton of weight, even though I have been skinny all my life. It was like I couldnt stop eating- and it was because it was my only (and not a smart way, but at the time I was so overwhelmed) way of dealing with the stress and the constant pain and emotional attacks.

Once I got divorced I lost all the weight and have gone back to my skinny self.

Maybe DH is the problem.[/quote]

PP here, I dunno that DH is the problem, but maybe he's not helping. I wish I chose a better vice to my loneliness, depression etc. I wish I smoked, or drank, or did drugs, or on a healthier level, went to a therapist, ran, danced, something. But no, I ate. I stuffed down every emotion and every unhappiness. And that in turn changes your makeup and response to food anyway. I was eating foods I'd throw up mentioning now. But then, I noticed something. Even when I went on the low carb diet, and the intense gym regimen, I wouldn't lose a pound. I started thinking I was cursed. One day he and I both got sick and were puking for 3 days. He lost 7 pounds, me? NOTHING. I remember that day so clearly. He was always super judgmental of me, and I weak. I wanted him to say, wow. That is not right/fair. But no, it was me. Now, I get sick? I lost 7 pounds. I don't crave or buy bad food. It's like I'm a whole new person. And I firmly believe it's because I connect with who I am. And I firmly believe I chose to disconnect because I couldn't believe an intelligent strong woman would remain married to a man who made her feel so bad. [/quote]

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