Reply to If your mother and father in-law came over from out of state unannounced.

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Reply to "If your mother and father in-law came over from out of state unannounced."

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]^^What seems to be missing in your very reasonable explanation is that those in-laws whose quirky ways are difficult to understand happen to be the parents of the husband.

It is not exactly like they are strangers from no where. How do you think the wife would feel if her parents visited unexpectedly and the husband told them they were not welcome and should leave pronto?

[/quote]

Another PP here.  Exactly.  My parents live 5 minutes away and they have done some absolutely crazy sh!t - example, picking up one of the kids from school unannouced because they "wanted to take him to the park."  My DH gets aggravated with them(just as I do) but he would NEVER make them feel unwelcome nor would he pressure me into making them feel unwelcome.  He knows that I feel bad about some of the stuff they do and he would never make me feel worse by [b]demanding [/b]that I take some hard line with them.  He is gracious to a fault with them, even when he should not be, because of his love and respect for me (and my relationship with them.)  That being said, if my IL's showed up unannounced, I would try to be as gracious as I could out of respect and love for my DH and my children.  I would NEVER expect my DH to tell HIS parents that they are not welcome and, as one PP said, tell them to head to a hotel.  Although DH would likely tell his OWN parents that himself because he feels that I would be stretched too thin, but I would be fine with them staying. [/quote]

I am in the same situation as you are. I could not conceive of a situation where I would ask my ILs (or my parents) to leave or make them feel unwelcome.

Now, the other side of the coin, is that they are totally welcoming of me and I not only have a key to their house but also a garage door opener and so I sometimes arrive unannounced with the kids or by myself and we are welcomed. Sometimes they are not there and I leave a note for them that we visited and missed seeing them.

Family dynamics require a lot of give and take and dominant in my thinking is first, that they are family and second that given that they are getting older they may not be around for decades. It really is a mindset. Perhaps, at the back of my mind - subconsciously - I would hope that when our children have their own families, we'd feel welcome and not have barriers imposed on our ability to see them.

But here is another aspect: if we were in need they would be at our side in an instant and there is nothing they would not do for us and their grandkids - there are not a lot of people who are in that position whether because of geography or because of family closeness.[/quote]

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