Reply to If your mother and father in-law came over from out of state unannounced.

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Reply to "If your mother and father in-law came over from out of state unannounced."

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]^^What seems to be missing in your very reasonable explanation is that those in-laws whose quirky ways are difficult to understand happen to be the parents of the husband.

It is not exactly like they are strangers from no where. How do you think the wife would feel if her parents visited unexpectedly and the husband told them they were not welcome and should leave pronto?

[/quote]

Another PP here.  Exactly.  My parents live 5 minutes away and they have done some absolutely crazy sh!t - example, picking up one of the kids from school unannouced because they "wanted to take him to the park."  My DH gets aggravated with them(just as I do) but he would NEVER make them feel unwelcome nor would he pressure me into making them feel unwelcome.  He knows that I feel bad about some of the stuff they do and he would never make me feel worse by [b]demanding [/b]that I take some hard line with them.  He is gracious to a fault with them, even when he should not be, because of his love and respect for me (and my relationship with them.)  That being said, if my IL's showed up unannounced, I would try to be as gracious as I could out of respect and love for my DH and my children.  I would NEVER expect my DH to tell HIS parents that they are not welcome and, as one PP said, tell them to head to a hotel.  Although DH would likely tell his OWN parents that himself because he feels that I would be stretched too thin, but I would be fine with them staying.

[b]OP's ILs probalbly did not announce it because they know that OP and her DH would have said no.  It was calculated on their part but there was a reason for the caluclation.[/b] [/quote]

I agree that there probably was a reason for the calculation, but that doesn't mean it's a good reason. The OP and her spouse has a responsibility to making themselves people you can talk to, and who are reasonable to deal with. But no matter how reasonable you are, some people will not respect reasonable boundaries and will pull something like this in order to walk all over you. If the in-laws had been to visit in a year and there was something to suggest that the OP and her spouse were keeping them from their grandkids, maybe I could understand that. But the in-laws just came to visit last month. Plus, even if the OP and her spouse were being unreasonable in withholding the grandkids, there is very little that justifies invading someone's home [b]unwelcome. [/b]A home should be a sanctuary for the people who live there.[/quote]

I understand your position completely.  I guess what I am saying is that my IL's (and my parents) would never be "unwelcome" in my home.  My DH and I have done things that have not always been convenient for my IL's or my parents and they have adjusted for us.  So this type of situation would only be a dealbreaker for me if it happened often.  But then again, I have a very good relationship with my IL's and enjoy having them around.  [/quote]

But that's just it, your parents and in-laws wouldn't be unwelcome because that's not the way your family relationships are. OP's MIL openly acknowledged that she knew OP wouldn't like them showing up unexpectedly but did it anyway. Also, unannounced and uninvited houseguests being unwelcome doesn't necessarily mean you have a bad relationship overall, it can be an individual personality thing -- you love having these people over with a little time to prepare, but uninvited guests stress you out and you don't enjoy it.[/quote]

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