Reply to I thought it was crazy too, but hear me out.

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]
I think it's a shame, unless your in-law is proven guilty in a criminal case and you fear professional or private repercussions.

What's in a name? Generations of family history. 
You would be losing all of that accumulated identity as well, which is a cultural loss, particularly if someone in your family is into genealogy and wants to research his tree. Your husband's parents are just one minuscule blip on a huge and fascinating family history.

I admit I'm biased because genealogy is very important for me - one of my ancestors went to the first Crusade in 1096, and my family has records of their history and involvement in political and military activities since then. Obviously there have been terrible family feuds, the most recent of which involved going to court and my parents not speaking to my uncle. But feuds do not matter. The rest matters.

I hope your husband can put more thought into this.
[/quote]

NP, basically your entire post can be read as supporting both the "don't do it" camp but also the "do it!" camp.  Because, as you've pointed out, the name goes on for generations and there is accumulated identity and culture.  What you FAIL to grasp is that when that family identity, accumulated history and culture is PAINFUL or horrible, it is the most natural thing in the world to want to totally disassociate from it.

I don't know what OP's husband's family did that was so awful, but I believe her that he feels that way and he has every right to use whatever tools or methods to create distance if distance is needed.  Especially if it understands that he still has to absolutely get at the roots of why he is cutting them off and deal with those, way beyond a name change.

When people make horrible choices, as OP's DH feels his family has, those who made the bad choices don't get to choose how the surviving family members heal and make their peace.  Genealogy is the weakest possible reason for suggesting OP not do it.  Go for it OP, if it's part of the path to healing and moving on.[/quote]

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