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[quote=Anonymous]For what it is worth OP I did not find your original question phrasing offensive or insensitive.  The responses included a few accusatory posts -- questioning things ranging from your diagnosis to your characterizations of SN schools kids -- and it was only in response to those that you used a few phrases that set people off.  I understand how that can happen.  FWIW:

Though it's no fun to be hit with these accusations in response, don't bother trying to explain yourself to every hostile poster, though every now and then you might just need to redirect the discussion back to your original goal which is to locate schools that be a good match for your child.  It's impossible to satisfy everyone here as to your motives and your open-mindedness. Just focus on getting information.

Depending on your child's particular profile it's easy to see why you are thinking as you do.  A parent's perfect fantasy is to have one's child somewhere near the middle of a class when it comes to a range of aptitudes.  When it comes to social thinking, it's nice to have more advanced peers to learn from but you don't want have your child unable to keep up.  Most parents want to avoid situations in which their child is way ahead of all their peers socially, or way behind.  For some kids, it is very tough to find that environment, as schools tend to focus either on the kids needing the most intensive supports, or they don't provide them at all.

I suspect we were once in shoes similar to yours.  We went both the SN route and the mainstream route.  I don't want to give more details than that because this is not about us.  But I know the trade-off you are talking about -- you want both adequate social services as well as peers from whom social conventions can be learned.  And one's evaluation of that balance can change by the month.  We were in a situation where we chose the superior social services (SN) for a while but there did come a point where it was clear that was no longer the right fit, that the child had moved to a place where the social modeling of the peer group outweighed the value of intensive therapeutic services.

If you have concluded after looking at SN schools that a mainstream school is right for your child, that does not (to me) suggest a lack of respect for SN kids.  We ultimately reached the same conclusion (though our child did not face quite the same issues).   But you do feel almost guilty about it, as though by reaching a different conclusion for your child you are somehow disrespecting those for whom the SN route is the only practical choice.  But as parents you have to be hard-headed and do what's right for your kid.

Finally I would disagree with two other posters, the one that said you are "not being straight" based on your description of your child, as though a child with HFA couldn't possibly fit your description.  I know that it can; HFA kids present in a lot of different ways. And the other poster who suggested an artificial dichotomy between doing what's right for your child and avoiding an SN stigma.  Unfortunately IS an SN stigma even with many well-intended people, although perhaps there shouldn't be -- any parent of a kid from an SN school who has walked into a mainstream admissions office knows that firsthand.  And there is nothing wrong with that being part of your calculus as you figure out what is best for your child.

Good luck.

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