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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here.  I wanted to add that we just hired a mother's helper for several hours per week.  I am planning to have her come on the days my husband travels.  I think this will help and we may also increase the hours if I find it is working out well.

The friends thing is really hard for me.  I did work really hard at meeting new people and trying to make mom friends, but like I said most of them were on maternity leave and have gone back to work and now have no time to get together.  I continue to go to mom's groups and meet new moms, but when I try to nurture the relationship outside of the group, such as inviting moms to do a playgroup or get together for lunch, my emails are ignored.  So clearly they are not interested.  Our neighborhood is mainly full of old people--we chose the wrong neighborhood to buy a house in.  No moms listserv and very few kids.

I feel like I'm starting to get depressed from the isolation and loneliness.

I have decided to make a few changes in the next month or so.  #1: hiring the mother's helper.  #2:  signing up for a class with my baby--I think seeing the same people at the same time each week will perhaps facilitate making friendships a little more than the moms groups, #3: doing some professional volunteer work in my field at an organization during my husband's flex days each month.  Since he works weekends he has a few random flex days each month where he is off, so I can volunteer then and work on getting some recent skills on my resume and maybe this could turn into a part-time job, [b]#4: take a break from trying to make new mom friends.  It's been exhausting, depressing, and I am sad that it hasn't resulted in any friends, and I need a break[/b], #5: find a therapist who I can talk to about these issues.

Any other thoughts for me?  [/quote]

OP, I've been where you are. We moved to a new area, I was newly SAH, and I was dying to make some great mom friends.  I signed up for a music class, a tumbles class, and tried really hard to cultivate relationships with moms I chatted with on the playground.  Some of it worked, a little bit, but mostly I ended up either getting blown off or spending time with women I didn't actually have much in common with.  Now that I'm a few years past it I look back and realize that I was thinking of it all wrong.  [u]Making friends isn't a goal-oriented process.[/u]  Think of the friends you have from other parts of your life -- you didn't set out to meet them, make a plan, and then find them.  It happened naturally, as a result of repeated exposure over time (usually school, work, neighbors, etc.)  You are smart to sign up for a class but even then, it's only going to be one hour a week for 8 weeks or whatever, so it will take time.

The key is seeing the same people over and over.  This can be as simple as having a routine of going ot the same playground at the same time every Wednesday, and sooner or later you start to see the same people.  I didn't read all the posts but is there any way you can find a playgroup?  That is honestly where I really started to find people I considered friends, and even then it took several months of weekly meetings.  What about joining a gym (with childcare) and going to the same classes week after week?  If you go to, for example, a 10 a.m. spin class, you can bet there will be mostly SAHMs there.  A friend of mine made great friends through one of those stroller-exercise groups.  What about joining a church or temple?  They may have a mom's group or playgroup that you can become part of, and you already know you have at least one thing in common with the other moms.

To be perfectly honest, the way I really met my "group" of mom friends was when my oldest child started preschool at age 2.5.  It was only a couple of mornings a week, but there was a lot of socializing out of school and it was enough contact for a few of us us to get to know each other pretty well.  Even then, I think it was January or February of the school year before I was seeing any of them on a regular basis, and it wasn't until the following summer that I felt really close with any of them.  BUt now it's over two years later and they are still some of my closest friends.  I do Music Together with my little one and I see the earnest FTMs trying to reach out and make friends and sometimes I will exchange numbers and I really intend to get togehter, but life is crazy with two and I already have a bunch of friends to keep me busy, and that's what happens.  It will happen to you too.  Give it TIME.  
[/quote]

OP here.  Thanks for your thoughts.  They are encouraging and you really helped explain how it makes sense how you met your closer friends through preschool.  I had really high hopes for the mom groups, but you're right, I was really only seeing the same people a few times per month and I guess that's not enough to form friendships.

However, making friends has been a goal-oriented process for me in the past--because we have moved a lot.  So since I never returned to my hometown, and since I went to college and grad school in different states (and I've lived in 5 different states since college), I had to make finding friends a goal-oriented process otherwise it never would have happened (especially as a married woman without kids).  I met my husband through online dating, so that was a goal-oriented process too.

Anyhow, I appreciated reading about your experiences and I know making friends takes time, but in the meantime it's super lonely!  While you were waiting to make friendships, how did you avoid being lonely all the time?  I just feel so incredibly alone, especially since my husband works so much and we have no family anywhere near here.

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