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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I think there are two major components of the relationship.
1. Individual personalities of DIL and MIL.
2. The match between DIL's and MIL's expectations, background, etc.

1. When people say that there are two people in the relationship, it is  true. My MIL acts like a mad woman around me. She  tries to control herself  during the first hour or so, but when she relaxes a bit her instincts take over and she goes nuts. I wrote a couple  (very mild) stories here and always got  :shock:  in response. I think NIH primate facility could write  some groundbreaking papers just from observing our family  during her visits. At this point, I am so traumatized by the madness, I am not interested in developing a relationship with her. I don't want to see her, I don't want to be nice to her, I won't go out of my way to please her (impossible), I don't take her interests into account anymore, I don't proactively include her in our life, when she visits I leave the house, DCs and DH visit her without me. Am I a difficult DIL? Yes, I am. However, I'd like to see someone who would stay sweet and calm in my circumstances.

2. My MIL has different understanding of what means to be a grandmother. I am annoyed by the way she plays (or actually, does not play) with my children, the way she dresses them, feeds them, etc. Was she nicer to me, I would not bat an eye - in fact I am completely fine when other ILs do things I'd do differently. However, because she is such a bully, her every move makes me cringe.

I don't know what  kind of MIL I'll be when my time comes. I hope I'll have a good relationship with my son's family  to compensate for the horrible one I have with my MIL. I'll try my best.

[/quote]

Sending love to you, kindred spirit.  [/quote]

Right back at ya:) We probably have had virtual drinks together here at DCUM :) If it was not you, please join us next time, you are not alone![/quote]

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