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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here. He is healthy, no physical issues. But he is stressed - understandably - having a tough time coping and seems to have trouble making decisions to improve the situation. My mother is also very upset and now i think being a bit irrational. I agree she has contributed to the problems by enabling him in many ways. She means well. She does not "get it." Or maybe just sees things differently i don't know. I haven't walked in her shoes. She is mostly hands-off with me - often unpleasant to me in fact - while still treating brother like a young child. [/quote]

OP, I have lived with this situation my entire life.  I have a brother who sounds like yours and an enabling mother.  The only difference is my mother has supported his unrealistic and unsustainable lifestyle all his life -- bought every property he has lived in and expensive cars and toys to prop him up -- and in return he has done nothing to better his life or gain independence.  It is a sick co-dependency and I made the decision to walk away.  He has adult and minor children he has never looked out for but I try to be a good and responsible aunt because they are for the most part good people.  Thankfully, I am financially independent with a successful career but watching this sad story play out over and over again is disturbing.  One piece of advice I would give you is to always put yourself and children first.  I am not going over the cliff for anyone, even family.  No one will be there to rescue you and your kids need you.  I empathize with what you are going through.  Unfortunately, your mother will never "get it".  My brother is in his 50s and mother in her 70s and it is the same broken relationship.  You will need to decide to move on eventually.[/quote]

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