Reply to Terrible situation with sibling, please advise

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]
You have already determined that you can't take them in (and rightly so) and you should be firm about it.  Stop letting your mother "guilt" you into to helping your brother.  If anything, you could probably use some help yourself.  Your brother has been enabled by your mom and other family members and he is expecting them to provide financial rescue once again.

Yes, it is a distressing situation but you are going to be in distress yourself if you you try to carry him when your priority should be your own family.

Be prepared to distance yourself from your enabling mom--she is going to bring out her claws on this one.  State your position with no expectation of your mother's approval.  And then don't engage her any further about it.

It is unrealistic to think that you can say no and still have your mother's support.  Her support is going to your brother as usual.   :( [/quote]

This is dead on 100%. This is OP btw. You are absolutely correct about still having my mother's support while "not doing enough to help." This morning i looked at  some housing options for them, sent the info to mom and brother and will try to offer some cash to help them situated. Not much to spare but i do feel some obligation to do what I CAN and that is what i offer. Of course it will not be enough in my mother's point of view until his problems are solved. My relationship with her is a lost cause and i need to accept that. Still will try to help brother but absolutely NOT  taking them in. 
as far as the mothers -enabling- sons phenom ... interesting! Sadly these mothers don't realize what they are doing. They probably think they are doing right, they cannot see how misguided their "help" is. 
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