Reply to H is not happy with sex only once a week

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]So, how do we distinguish "communicating about inadequate sex frequency" from "whining"? The tone of the earlier posts about "whining" suggests that pretty much all communication on the issue will be regarded as "whining" (and, in fact, I got the impression that the PP didn't regard sex as a need in any real sense.) But, tone can be kind of tricky online, so maybe I'm misreading.  [/quote]

You're misreading.  I've said "compromise" a bunch of times. If you want a compromise, you have to put what you want out there.

Part of the problem with asking for more sex is how it's asked. People who ask for more sex don't say "I want more sex." They say "You never want to have sex with me." and then follow it up with contempt and criticism -- you're rejecting me, you don't love me, you are cold, you hate sex.. They turn the lack of sex into something more fundamental than just lack of sex. They ascribe it to the other partner not loving them or hating sex. None of those things may be true.

It's also when it's asked. They also tend to ask about it or bring it up in the heat of the moment - one partner approaches, the other partner declines, and the first partner starts bitching about it.  Now it's a fight, instead of sex.

Breakfast or over a meal is a better time to talk about it. Stick to "I" statements. "I want more sex." "I miss when we had sex every day." "I miss that thing we used to do." "I would like to find a way to have more sex with you."  If the low drive person says they can't possibly, you need to listen to their objections and try to help find ways around those objections. Make sure they tell you why they can't and listen, if you're going to negotiate a compromise. [/quote]

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