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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]
This is what I think is happening.  You won't like what I'm going to write, but I've seen it happen.  Your in-laws do not like the fact that their son married someone who isn't Jewish.  Any Christian ritual means nothing to your in-laws, and it probably disgusts them that their own grandchildren are Christian and not Jewish.  Unfortunately, what they don't see is that their actions are ruining their relationships with their own grandchildren.  The intermarriage is a fait accompli, and they should just suck up the fact that their son intermarried and now tow the line.  There is nothing they can do about it.  They obviously did not emphasize the importance of Jews marrying Jews and now they are suffering the consequences and taking it out on their grandchildren.  [/quote]

I am the Jew calling for understanding.   Its getting confusing cause there are two different posters and their stories here - I was responding to someone whom I thought had issues with BIL/SIL, not parents in law.  That adds a whole range of other issues.

On the one hand I personally believe that the best way to keep your grand kids Jewish is to raise your KIDS in a deeply, joyously Jewish home  (not just by sending THEM to hebrew school, but by ones own demonstrated commitment to jewish religious observance, spirituality, and learning) rather than by trying to coerce them as adults.

But I also understand there are Jews, mostly of the cultural variety, who think that their cultural, tribal jewishness can be passed on without their own religious commitment, and are shocked when that does not work out.

SOmeone in one of the threads may be rude.  I see rudeness all the time, from people driving in ways that endanger others, to affluent people who disdain the poor. Frankly I can't get too excited about someone's personal family rudeness issues. I am less concerned about that, than with A. Encouraging Jews to see the problems with Judaism lite that leads to situations like this  B. encouraging all people to see how majority membership and other forms of privilege blinds them from seeing others' perspectives.  I do not know the PPs and they can insist they understand everything and are complete victims, but that does not accord with my own experience of interpersonal conflicts - there is almost always another side.

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