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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]It has been very difficult to raise culturally Jewish but religiously Christian children amidst Jewish cousins. The cousins don't see Christianity as equal or even valid. They act as though Christian beliefs and practices are a big joke.  My younger DD has celebrated with all of her cousins when they reached b'nai mitzvah age, but not a single one attended her First Communion. She was very hurt.[/quote]

This has been my experience too.  We are expected to attend and celebrate bar mitzvahs, but no one from DH's family attended our kids' baptisms, First Communions, or Confirmations.  It was and is indescribably hurtful and has forever marred my relationships with my ILs.

I understand that Jews have suffered centuries of persecution.  I am not personally responsible for that, however, and from where I sit, the reality and importance of present-day family ties trump historically-based grievances.  It is shocking to me that my ILs refuse to get that.[/quote]

I do not think you are responsible for centuries of persecution. I am just trying to explain the gut responses some Jews have to christian ritual.   [b]Sometimes things seem less hurtful if you understand them.[/b]   What should trump what for whom is not for me to say.  But I do think its sometimes difficult for gentiles/whites/men/straights/physicallyable to understand the things that bug jews/peopleofcolor/gays/disabled people.  When one is a majority, privileged or not, one tends to look at things from a certain POV (and oh yes, that includes the way jews by birth sometimes look at jews by choice or interfaith couples trying to establish a jewish home)[/quote]

PP here.  I understand them.  You think I don't because I am part of the Christian majority, but I do.

I think it is rude and hurtful for my Jewish ILs for forgo all (ALL) of my kids' religious milestones because of the history of persecution their people have suffered and their own gut responses to Christian rituals.  People, particularly family, and their feelings trump historic grievances as a matter of fact, IMO. One can both view and feel things a certain way, and make the choice to override those views/feelings in order to express love and acceptance.  Forgoing this choice, particularly where children are involved, is hurtful.

I understand, but neither accept nor forgive my ILs' choices.[/quote]

This is what I think is happening.  You won't like what I'm going to write, but I've seen it happen.  Your in-laws do not like the fact that their son married someone who isn't Jewish.  Any Christian ritual means nothing to your in-laws, and it probably disgusts them that their own grandchildren are Christian and not Jewish.  Unfortunately, what they don't see is that their actions are ruining their relationships with their own grandchildren.  The intermarriage is a fait accompli, and they should just suck up the fact that their son intermarried and now tow the line.  There is nothing they can do about it.  They obviously did not emphasize the importance of Jews marrying Jews and now they are suffering the consequences and taking it out on their grandchildren.  [/quote]

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