Reply to I don't want to stay in your one-bedroom condo!

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Hey if I spent 20 if my best years devoting my life to you when you were a boy and I'm now approaching my dotage, it is respectfully NOT MY JOB to compete with the younger model on being upbeat and fun for you now.

This is just how women get treated here. You bear the inequitable burden of raising your kids even if you work because of "the second shift", get paid inequitably in the workforce, make out poorly in the divorce, have a harder time remarrying because you are past your prime ... and now all of those things are "yours and no one else's" to deal with and move on from so why can't you just get over it and be more upbeat and fun like that younger stepmom?  And also, why aren't you making us breakfast?[/quote]

I'm 14:29.  I wasn't suggesting that MIL compete with SMIL to be fun or upbeat.  This is not a competition and the last thing either one of them should do is compete with the other.  I was suggesting that nobody wants to hang around  a MIL who is bitter about a 30-year old divorce. And, yes, the circumstances surrounding the divorce are between MIL and FIL only and MIL's circumstances afterward are hers alone to deal with (whether she feels her settlement was good, bad, or indifferent). MIL's son and DIL's obligation is to be kind and respectful to MIL.  Hopefully, they can be generous with her.  But that's where the obligation ends. MIL's son and daughter-in-law are simply not responsible for making anything up to MIL or compensating for MIL's insecurities.    [/quote]

Okay. But in this circumstance, as is clear from the details OP gives, it sort of IS a competition. They need to pick one place to stay, and wind up choosing between FIL and MOH. FIL made more money so his place is bigger. It is also clear from OP that she is comparing the MIL and SMIL -- SMIL is more able to play with the baby. I mean, it IS a competition to OP about who is better able to provide a fun, comfortable experience when visiting. But if I am MIL, a lot of those factors are sort of out of my control because of my socioeconomic situation and. Maybe my age, which is likely also not really my fault.  Look at the condescension in the title of this post:  "I don't want to stay in your one bedroom condo!"  So it's not a competition. But really, it is. I'm not divorced or old, yet, but I'd be a little bitter, too. [/quote]

She can be bitter, her feelings are valid, but that doesn't mean OP needs to make her family uncomfortable for their visit to avoid MIL having negative feelings. Would it be nice to pick a night to spend there, yes? But it's not OP's job to help MIL work through her post-divorce angst.[/quote]

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