Reply to My child is the only one with ADD, not on meds.

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My son is 9 and was the class clown too.  After he started taking meds in September, he said that so many kids told him that he wasn't annoying anymore.  He said he didn't know he was annoying before then since everyone laughed when he goofed off.  I've taught 3rd grade and by then, the kids have been around each other since K and they have grown tired of the class clowns.  If the teacher is exhausted by his behavior, imagine how his classmates feel.  By next year, the kids will start avoiding him and won't include him. [b] If you want to wait and watch it happen, don't complain about it after the fact.[/b][/quote]

What a jerky thing to say to a parent who is trying to figure out what is best for her kid.[/quote]

Is she?  Is she trying to figure out what is best for her kid?  All I see is complaints about the teacher.  I don't see her trying to figure out anything.[/quote]

So if the situation deteriorates for her child then she should just shut her mouth "after teh fact" because, hey, DCUM warned her! Heartless.[/quote]

Pretty much.  Look, we are trying to be helpful here because we have already walked this path and see the trajectory this child is on.  It's not heartless -- it's called being truthful and facing reality.  The child is already exhibiting these "class clown" behaviors, and we are pointing out that these behaviors significantly annoy other children and will ABSOLUTELY lead to him being socially outcast if it hasn't happened already, notwithstanding her belief that her kid is well liked.  We are not talking about some future theoretical problem, but one that is already occurring or just around the corner, and she is just in denial about it.  I do think part of a parent's job is to anticipate the obvious and foreseeable future consequences and nip problems in the bud.

Believe it or don't believe it I don't care.  But I'm calling it now that it will only continue to get worse next year.   Kids that are disruptive and impulsive are ALWAYS unpopular with their peers, because other kids simply do not want to be around kids who constantly touch them, get in their personal space, mess with their stuff, make rude and inappropriate noises in their ears, talk over them, constantly try to one up them, and generally miss social cues.  They just don't.  This kid is already doing this stuff.  It is not possible for him to avoid the social consequences of this.

Whether being a social outcast and the resulting negative impact that this has on a child's self-worth and emotional well-being is sufficient justification to medicate is open for debate.  But the notion that this particular child is somehow unique among all other kids who display these disruptive behaviors such that he will remain well-liked despite acting in this way is just ridiculous. [/quote]

What I expect to see is a little more heart for this woman who is walking the path that you are already on. [b]Maybe she's not making the choices you would make. Maybe she's not making the "right" choices, but don't tell her that she's making her bed and she'll have to lie in it without complaint if her son crashes and burns. That's not helpful.[/b][/quote]

Well said. To the PPP, what it really seems like is that you are criticizing the OP as a way to justify your own decisions. For one thing, medication is just ONE tool, not the magic solution to all of your child's issues. Have a little compassion and be more open minded to others and their choices. [/quote]

Listen, OP is the one who is completely shutting down the options, not me.  Most posters, including me, have repeatedly acknowledged that medication isn't always the right choice.  In fact, over many years of dealing with this, there have been periods where we have chosen NOT to medicate, so I am well versed in this stuff and comfortable in my choices.  No one has said, "OP, you need to medicate your child."  I am respectful of any parents decision to not medicate, but I question the soundness of the rationale underlying OP's choice.   I think her twin premises that (1) we don't know the long term effect of these medications and (2) her child would not be suffering but for the fact that he somehow "stands out" by not being medicated is faulty.   It is BECAUSE I have compassion for her that I'm even bothering to waste my energy trying to help her think things through in another way, because clearly whatever she is doing is not working and her kid is suffering.

As to the first point, I don't know the long term effect of giving my kid Zyrtec ever day, but I sure as heck am not going to allow him to suffer horrible allergies for 3 months of the year, during which time he will not be able to sleep, breath or function because he is so itchy and his eyes and nose are streaming nonstop.  If I didn't give my kids allergy medications his quality of life would be horrible from April through June, and he would not function in school or at home.  I don't know the long term effect that wearing soft contact lenses every day may have on my eyes, but I'm not going to walk around blind and I'm not going to walk around in coke bottle glasses until I die.  My friend with Lupus DOES know the long term effect of her steroid medications, but she takes them any way to keep the unbearable joint pain at bay.   What symptoms would your kids have to have for you to feel comfortable giving your kids these very drugs, knowing exactly what we know about them today?  It is probably without dispute that every "anti medication" parent would give their kids these meds if they would, say, cure cancer or something super serious like that, right?  But what if you kid had tinnitus -- a constant and unrelenting ringing in the ears that would not kill him but would never stop -- and the only thing that would stop the ringing was these stimulant meds.  Would you feel they were sufficiently safe to administer them then?  What if he had a constant, low grade toothache pain that never went away, except with these meds.  Again, the toothache won't kill him but it would hurt nonstop, all day and all night.  Would you feel these medications were worth the risk then?  What if your kid had a giant, ugly growth the size of a grapefruit growing out of his forehead, which caused no physical pain or other negative effect whatsoever, and these meds, taken daily, would shrink the growth.  Knowing exactly what we know about the safety of these medications, would you allow your child to take them?  I suspect most parents would be comfortable giving these meds if their kids suffered physically, and probably a great number would give them if their kids suffered emotionally as the result of something that was physically visible (like the growth).

As to the second point, that the only reason her child is suffering any negative consequences is because of a bad teacher, we are also pointing out that that is not the case.  Whether there is 1 kid like this in a class or 10, these behaviors themselves are inherently annoying and people don't want to be around them.  
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